Like Father Like Father

Lately I've been struggling with the idea if prayer. How does God's sovereignty fit in with prayer? If God decides what will happen beforehand, do my prayers really matter? Does God listen and desire to answer my prayers?

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:9-11 ESV)

Today my dad showed me a glimpse of how my Heavenly Father feels about me. Today was rough for me, not because of some big event, just feeling lonely. I rode with my dad to lunch and started crying. He immediately turned off the music so he could really listen to me, he asked questions and shared his stories with me. After lunch, he called me into his office. He had printed a sheet for me with some information about the type 6 personality type (we are both sixes).

It explained how our biggest fear is abandonment. We try to rely on other things to get us through; we create our own security for our anxieties. We lack confidence in ourselves. When our method of security falls apart, so do we. My security was falling apart this week. I got back from a week in New Orleans and felt distant from the other interns. I knew the internship was coming to an end soon and abandonment was on its way. On top of that, the high schoolers I enjoyed in New Orleans aren't as inviting on Sunday morning. I had lost my ability to keep up a quality conversation; my interactions felt forced and awkward. My conduct in social situations is my security. My breaking point came when I found out the girl I had asked to mentor wasn't interested in being mentored by me anymore.

My dad wanted me to know my feelings were normal and that he had felt them too. With time he learned to overcome the anxiety and find his worth in Christ, not the approval of others. On the sheet he also put Philippians 4:11-13, " I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength."

My dad teared up as he explained that to me. My dad desires to give me good things, it hurts him to see me hurting. He desires relationship with me. If my earthly dad knows me and all my faults, yet still loves me in this way, how much more does my heavenly father desire to give me good things? I still have studying to do on the subject because something is missing. But from what I learned today, it's very possible that God answers my prayers. Maybe he even answers my prayers out of his desire to give me good things. That blows my mind! I'll never understand why God cares about me, but I'm seeking the day I understand with certainty that He does. 

Thank you dad for being the best example of the relationship between God and his children. It means the world to be known by you, to know I'll never be abandoned by you, and to be able to share everything with you. Thanks for loving me the way you do. It's just a bonus that we have nearly identical personality types. It's a blessing to be understood by you; most times you understand me better than I do. Today was one of those times. All I knew was it hurt, I didn't know why. Now I know why and I have Scripture to encourage me to be content always. 

Busy with a side of non-stop.

My internship with Olathe Bible Church started two weeks ago. For the first week we scrambled to prepare for a week doing mission work in Panama. Panama was great and relatively relaxing with extended morning time for devotions and hammock time in the evenings. The best part of the trip was the lovely humans I shared it with and will be sharing life with for the rest of the summer. I could brag on them for a long time! They're stinkin fantastic and I'm blown away by their wisdom and their selfless hearts. In a mere two weeks they've already helped mold me into something more like Christ.

 

Look up Panama mission June 2013 on YouTube if you want to see a video summary of our trip.

 

We flew back from Panama on a Saturday and went to church on Sunday. It was Father's Day but my parents had just left for Israel, Hannah (14 yr. old sister) was on her way to Texas for a mission trip, and my grandma was watching Rosie (12 yr. old sister). I've been back for four days, but it feels like two weeks! So much has happened. The internship keeps me busy at church until at least one in the afternoon. We usually run late and then we have two book studies to prepare for, random other responsibilities, and hang out time. There hasn't been a time when I felt completely free to do nothing. There's always something I should be doing. I haven't been getting as much sleep as usual either, so I'm struggling to stay fully focused in devotions and teaching times. I was yawning my way through mini golf with the high schoolers today!

 

There is some time management that needs to be learned. I have some adjusting still to do. It isn't what I expected, but I also wasn't expecting to be spiritually filled this much. I'm really not complaining. Every struggle is worth this community to me. That's why I choose sleep over them most nights. Unfortunately they tend to take priority over devotions at times as well. I'm learning how to balance the several things I'm juggling.

 

So, some of my goals are to make time for reflection. It seems like there's not enough time in the day because I have so much I'd love to reflect on! It'd be nice if I could take time to blog my thoughts at least every few days as a way of reflecting. We will see if that happens. I'm also wanting to post some pictures from Panama and other events here and there. It'll be delayed if it happens at all. I honestly couldn't figure out how to even post them on facebook... I'm that awful with technology stuff.

 

As far as my favorite Instagram photos that I like to update regularly, those probably won't get much attention this summer. I'm lucky if I even check Instagram every day. I wish I had time because I love doing that.

 

That's all I have for my brief and sporadic summary of my summer as of late.

Car changes

A lot has changed with our car situation in the last 2 weeks. Here's some background on my dad's love for cars and then I'll get into allthat's happened recently! My dad loves cars. He has liked cars since a young age and in high school he started hanging out with a fellow car lover and they fixed up cars together. Since then, he's raced cars for fun. He raced an RX7. He started to become one of the best in his league, but to move up in racing it would cost more money. It wasn't worth it to him so he stopped racing almost 2 years ago. Ironically, he crashed his car during his final race. He sold it for parts and moved on.

I appreciate my dad so much because he chooses to do what's best for us all the time. He could've kept racing, but it cost money and took time away from us. He could also drive cool cars, but instead we have cars that suit our needs best. He serves us by sacrificing his desires for ours.

He is all about the uniqueness and the character of a car. He's been driving a silver suburban because we needed a big car for trips, and that has no character at all. But when it came time for me to start driving, I decided my dream car would be an old land cruiser. My dad has an old white one that he hasnt had time to fix up. You can't drive it all all, in fact you can't even sit in it cause the seats are gone. It needs a lot of work. But we started looking at land cruisers that were in good condition and running well online and I thought they were the coolest things ever!

I thought I'd be buying my own car, at least half of it, and a land cruiser was out of the question. Then one day my dad came home from Colorado with a 1976 sea foam green land cruiser! I was 15 and only had my restricted permit. I was so excited! I called her Jane. Since then, it started having problems. My dad worked on it a ton! He spent a lot of money replacing parts. We then referred to her as Junkyard Jane. My dad got it working well again. It broke down a few times. So I drove the car on and off from my freshman year of high school until the end of my senior year. I drove it my whole senior year and loved it! It's a manual which was stressful to learn at first, but now I love it!

We recently sold Jane to a family in Branson. It was sad to see her go. I loved how people could spot me in my car so easily. I liked having a unique car and the color was fantastic! My aunt bought a 1978 landcruiser in red a few years ago and was having some problems with it, so we drove to Dallas last weekend and bought that land cruiser from her. Knowing that we would be getting a different land cruiser made selling Jane easier. Our new land cruiser is named Rhonda. While we were in Dallas, we left my dads suburban with a guy who will hopefully get it sold for us. It has such bad gas mileage that we decided to let it go.

I just finished my freshman year at Kansas State and I need a car I can take with me next year. My mom needs the minivan, our little truck won't make it there and back, neither will the land cruiser, plus she gets terrible mileage, so my parents told me they would buy me one more car. This one would actually be mine! All the others are family cars that I'm allowed to drive. But this car would be mine and it needed to have low miles and good gas mileage so it would last me a long time! I imagined this car shopping process would take the whole summer because my dad likes to take his time. But he found a 2012 ford escape for a great price on eBay and I loved the car, so he bid on it. I don't like small cars at all, I've always driven big cars, so this mid sized SUV was perfect. It was in one of my favorite car colors, steel blue, it had low miles, decent gas mileage, and gets good reviews for reliability. It was a sweet find! We won the auction and are now waiting for it to be delivered from Ohio. It might take a few weeks, so until them I'm hoping to drive Rhonda around. We got rid of 2 cars and bought 2 more in under 2 weeks! I'm grateful for my dad and all his car wisdom.

Routine

It's been a while since I've sat down to blog. I packed all my things in my dorm room and headed home with my parents on May 17th. Since then, all the routine I had is gone. It's been great to meet with friends, go on road trips, watch dear friends graduate high school, go car shopping (and buying!), do crafts with roommates, and enjoy my free time as I prepare for a trip to Panama and a summer internship starting in 2 days!

With all this free time and no specific structure, I haven't been memorizing a verse every week, devotions are a struggle to make time for, and my productivity has gone down some. Today is a new day and tomorrow starts a new week! I'm gonna start going through memory verses again, starting with Matthew 21:22 which says, "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." I want and need to be a prayerful person. It's been a goal of mine these last few weeks. I'm planning to schedule prayer time into my days. If it was all up to me, that would be a big struggle to be consistent. But with my internship starting soon, I think they will schedule it into my day for me. I'm really looking forward to having routine back in my life. I hope I learn how to do it for myself better.

Hopefully, this routine will help me keep my blog up to date. So excited for the things to come this summer!

Standing on a Cliffside

This photo was posted on instagram by { brenna_marriie } yesterday. I think this picture is really powerful. For me personally, it evokes a lot of thoughts. So many thoughts that I gave it it's own blog post. This picture and my other favorite instagrams can be found here.

Two songs came to mind while writing this post, they are pretty relevant to my life currently. Both are by the band All Sons and Daughters. If you want to check them out, here they are, Called Me Higher and Oh How I Need You.

I see profound connections between this picture and my life. I feel like that is me, standing over a cliffside. In my life right now, God is calling me to scary things. Scary to me, at least. I had made plans, prayed over them, sought advice over them, and felt the Lord pushing me in one direction, then suddenly the door was shut. (Prov. 16:9)  I felt like I was looking at a doorway to freedom and security. I was anticipating a sigh of relief once my plan was officially set in place. When the door was shut, I was in the midst of uncertainty. All I could think of was the worst case scenarios that might lay ahead of me.

But I know that God is drawing me to himself. He wants me to know him more fully and to be more sure of his provision for me than I am now. It feels as if he is waiting for me at the bottom of this cliff. He is calling me to jump and trust in his ability to give me everything I need. I can wimp out and stay where I am, and never receive the good things God has for me. I can jump and fall constantly in fear, always doubting his provision, and not recieve all that I could have because I lost so much in the journey. Lastly, I can jump and trust that He will give me the grace I need to trust him and redeem my time rather than living in selfishness, anxiousness, and pride. (Phil. 4:6-7)

I am committed to go where the Lord leads me, and with his grace at work in me, I will do so with confidence in his plan, with love for others, with a servants attitude, and with wisdom. I don't say this to imply that this is even the slightest bit easy for me. It is so hard and I will fail at times, but in his strength alone I know that he will supply those things for me. (Ps. 16:2) (John 15:7) May he receive all the glory! (Ps. 115:1)

• "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." -Proverbs 16:9
• "Do not be anxius about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
• "I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you have no good thing.'" -Psalm 16:2
• "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." -John 15:7
• "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." -Psalm 115:1

Big God Little Mo

I'm gonna get a little philosophical today. In my philosophy class, we are currently discussing arguments for and against the existence of God. We started with pro-God arguments such as the Kalam Cosmological Argument, the Watchmaker Argument, and the Fine Tuning Argument. Today we started learning the arguments against God. We started with the Problem of Evil. Here it is.

Hume's Argument from Evil

1) Either God is not able to prevent evil or he is not willing to prevent it.
2) If he is not able, then he is not omnipotent (all-powerful).
3) If he is not willing, then he is not all good.
4) Therefore, either God is not omnipotent or he is not all good.
5) If God is either not omnipotent or not all good, then God does not exist.
6) Therefore, God does not exist.

Chapter two of Tim Keller's book, The Reason for God talks about suffering. Here is a quote from that chapter.  "Tucked away within the assertion that the world is full of pointless evil is a hidden premise, namely, that if evil appears pointless to me, then it must be pointless."

This is huge! If God is who he says he is, couldn't he do something that appears to be evil from our perspective, but in reality leads to something glorious and good. It makes me think of parenting and how my parents didn't let me eat icecream for breakfast. As a seven year old, my parents may have seemed powerful, but certainly not all good. All good to me may have been parents who let their kids do whatever they please. But now I see that spoiling kids is not what is best for them and I look back and am thankful for the way my parents raised me. This analogy is maybe too simple though. I realize that much greater evils happen in this world that aren't as easy to explain away. I still believe God is big enough to have reasons that I can't comprehend.

Then I started thinking about how small and insignificant I am to even question God's goodness. Thinking about how small I am reminded me of how stinkin huge God is. He holds this complex world in his hand and is not the slightest bit worried about the evil in it. He has it under control. If God is who he says he is, then he has a purpose for everything. In the end, he will be glorified. And for some crazy reason beyond my understanding, I get to intimately know this God.

This reminded  me of a passage from Romans 8.

20 But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, why did you make me like this? 21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some poverty for special purpose and some for common use?

I encourage you to check out this passage in context. It was too long for me to put here. But here's a link to Romans 8:14-29

Who am I to question God's justice and goodness? And who am I to dwell in his justice and goodness? Who am I to be loved by you?

I walked back from class with a new joy. Rather than dwelling on my insignificance and unworthiness, I will walk with joy knowing I am saved by God's grace alone. It's humbling that I can't comprehend what good can come from seemingly pointless evil. but God can orchestrate it all. God is all powerful and all good, even when we don't see it. And he loves us even when we question him. Mind blowing.

Like Jonah like Mo

I haven't been posting much lately. I've had a lot going on personally. Lots of self-evaluation. I won't go into details here. I think that I will come out of this valley with a deeper knowledge of God. I'm hoping that I will be a better do-er of his Word, and not only a hear-er.

I feel like Jonah. He refused to obey God and ran the opposite way. Then God in his graciousness didn't let him die in the ocean. He sent a fish to swallow him, so that Jonah would see God again. God didn't let Jonah stay in his sin, he gave him another opportunity to share the gospel with Ninevah. Jonah repented and recognized Gods sovereignty. He shared the gospel, then fell back into his angry, self-centered thinking. The Lord gave him a plant fr shade, then took it away. He was helping Jonah get out of his comfort zone. He did this first by getting him to go Ninevah, then again when he took away the shady plant. To Jonah these things looked like his personal sufferings. But in reality, God was teaching him to line up his will with Gods, be obedient to God, and to recognize his sovereignty. He was showing Jonah a better way. A way more satisfying, that would bring love and joy, rather than anger and discontent.

I have been amazed at how The Lord has been blessing me through this time of doubt and conviction. I have been like Jonah, preferring my sin over true satisfaction in Christ. But God is still drawing me to Him because he knows that is what's best for me even when I don't want it. One of my undeserved blessings is my Life Group girls. They encourage me so much and I learn so much through our discussions. On top of that, fellowship with them is wonderful! I feel so lucky to know them! 

Here's us at 6:30 this morning doing yoga at the Rec. I love trying new things with these ladies. 

Discipline Diaries (days 4 and 5)

Yay for sunny Saturdays!

Roommate is gone for the weekend, so I slept in, took a walk through Konza Prairie Trail, watched Psych re-runs, and ate pizza for both my meals. I'm living it up for sure.

I would love to write something profound, inspiring, or at the least entertaining here. But I'm all out. I'd like to pretend that I achieve all the goals I set, that I have awesome time with God everyday, and that I live an exciting life 24/7. It's tempting to do that through social media. I don't have to post my low points, I can post all the good stuff and hope that people think I'm cooler because of it. Sadly, it takes some humility for me to even admit that. I was tempted to not post today since I have nothing super positive to share. But I dont want to hide my failures and pretend that I'm always pursuing Christ as I should be. So here's my discipline update.

My goal of discipline has lost its luster. I still think its important and a great goal. And I've kept to some of my specific goals even. But I'm not as passionate for it as I was because in the moment, my desires seem necessary. I tell myself that I could easily drink water over soda today, but I'm just choosing not to. I justify it as a mere choice, rather than a lack of discipline. In reality it's not a big deal. It's not a sin to drink soda, hit the snooze button, or procrastinate. I just don't want the habit of regularly giving into myself. I want to be a self-controlled person. I think that a mindset that can't be disciplined might be sinful.

I see the most sin in my life in this area when I think about how entitled I feel to something as unnecessary as a vanilla latte after a "long" day. It hurts when I think about my attitude and the life I live and compare it to the type of lives other people are living. After the fact, I feel so selfish that I even think the way I do. I see it as a reflection of my self-serving heart. But I'm called to serve others and see them as MORE important than myself. I see my selfishness, then I see my apathy about my selfishness and I'm disappointed. It seems to be an ongoing cycle of guilt and self- gratification.

Still working through it. I need more Holy Spirit. It's crazy how incapable we are when we rely on ourselves.

Discipline Diaries (day 3)

Not such a great day for discipline. It was a lazy, roll out of a bed, eat Nutella and watch Netflix kind of day. I stuck relatively close to my homework plan and didn't purchase anything today. But I'm slacking in the other two areas.

Not my most exciting or encouraging post, but this was my day 3 of discipline.

His mercies are new every morning! Hope day 4 is better.

Discipline Diaries (day 2)

Happy Rainy Day!

Left for class this morning oblivious to the fact that it was raining. I rushed back between classes to exchange soaked loafers and wet hair for rain boots and a baseball cap. I realized how quickly I turn my wants into needs. I don't think there's anything sinful about wanting to not get wet between classes, but the amount of importance I put on it is unnatural. I take advantage of the fact that I can wear rain boots, a coat, use an umbrella, and so on.

Eighty percent of the world lives on less than $2 a day! So many people are starving right now, or dying from the heat, or getting rained on at night because they don't have good shelter. Yet I can't walk to class in a light rain because I'm a little uncomfortable. I don't think it's sinful, but I think this kind of thinking can be. It's dangerous to think you deserve to be comfortable all the time. It's dangerous if something as small as a little rain affects my ability to be glad in God always. This kind of thinking is not Christ-like because Jesus came to Earth to live an uncomfortable life leading up to the most painful and humiliating death. All for a people like me who feel entitled to their GIFTS from God, with hearts focused on themselves. It's just mind blowing to me. So that's what I dwelled on this morning as I gratified my desire for rain boots.

Now I just need to understand what to do in response to my self serving heart. Do I sell all that I have and give it to the poor? Probably. But I'm gonna take baby steps because that scares me. Something needs to change, I know that much. So I'm working on discipline to not gratify my wishes and especially not treat them as if they are necessities. I can't wait to see how God makes me less selfish and more giving, for HIS glory.

My little successes in discipline today are as follows.

I was tempted to skip my class after I'd gone back to the dorm for rain boots, but God gave me the discipline to go. Praise the Lord!

I eventually had meaningful time with God! (Took my a little while to sit down and open that life giving book, but I did it! I'll share more about that in my next post.)

I sat in Radinas (without purchasing anything!) and read part of a boring history assignment instead of rushing to lunch. Yay for productivity!

Still rocking basic hygiene.

Also! My dear friend Kaitlyn is joining me in this week of discipline! It's great to have friends who want to give their absolute best to The Lord, who will ask for accountability, and who will encourage me in my endeavors too! So excited for how The Lord will use this for his glory in both of our lives.

Discipline Diaries (day 1 part 2)

{My discipline update for today was getting really long, so I split it into two parts. Here is part two which deals with the details of my day pursuing discipline.}

Last night, I prayed for God to make me disciplined and self controlled. I prayed for success in all my goals for the next day.

This morning, my rommate Sarah left early for class, which never happens. So, I started chopping up strawberries for breakfast and began singing "rise and shine and give God the glory glory" because it came into my head. Even something as small as that was God pushing me to dwell on him this morning. Then as I sat with my breakfast, I began praying aloud to God and asking him to help me again with discipline and also to teach me how to pray expectantly (which I explained in my previous post). I tried to think of something to pray for that was specific and that required God, meaning it couldn't be put aside as a mere coincidence. I struggled because I was afraid to ask for something out of the ordinary. I just felt silly. To be totally honest, I didn't trust that God would answer my prayer. 

By the time I needed to leave for class, I realized that God had actually answered one of my goals for the day. I had honestly had a meaningful time with the Lord. It wasn't long, but there was conviction, there was pleading, and there was answered prayer! Even in my unbelief and distrust, God was so good to me and wanted to show me that he does answer prayer and will satisfy my desire to not only be disciplined, but also to pray expectantly. 

Throughout my day so far I have been disciplined! I went to Radinas and did not purchase anything! I read my history chapter for the first time in months, along with other homework and chores. And you'll be happy to hear that my personal hygiene is great! (I'm even flossing!) I'm enjoying being aware of the big and small areas in my life which lack discipline and slowly having victory over them through Christ. I will try to do a better job of remembering those things tomorrow.

Discipline Diaries (day 1 part 1)

Happy Tuesday!

{My discipline update for today was getting really long, so I split it into two parts. Here is part one which deals with the idea of expectant prayer. Next post will be about how my day of discipline went.}

The idea of praying expectantly came up in my Bible study group last night. This idea has stuck with me since this summer when my friends got back from summer camp after hearing a great speaker teach on this. Wish I could give him credit, but I don't recall his name. In short, he explained that we shouldn't only pray expectantly on mission trips where we expect big things to happen. We need to always trust that the Lord wants to do big things in our lives every day.

One of my leaders added to this idea by reflecting on how we tend to pray safe. By this she meant that we ask God to do something, but we always end by saying something along the lines of, "but if its not your will, that's okay". At first I was slightly bothered by her comment. I thought of course we should pray with phrases like "if it is your will" because we need to be able to accept that his plans may be different than ours but they are always better. As I pondered her comment more, I realized that although it is good to not put your will above Gods, maybe we do pray too safely. Maybe we use that as an excuse to not trust that God will answer our prayers. Along with all these things, we don't pray repetitively. We don't plead with God. At least I don't. I ask for something, close with "Lord willing" and go on with my day thinking sure it'd be cool if he answered my prayer, but no matter what I know he will work things out for my good and his glory. These aren't bad thoughts, but am I limiting God's ability to work wonders in my heart and life? Am I keeping him from answering prayer by failing to truly pray and seek answered prayers?

One more example of radical prayer because these girls are so full of wisdom and I'm dying to share. Someone shared a story about a roommate of hers who had a headache. In response, this woman suggested she take an Advil. But the roommate replied, "I think I'm just gonna pray". The woman thought to herself how silly, just take an Advil! But after consideration, she realized how much trust we put in modern medicine and how little trust we put in God. Seems crazy when you think that God is the creator of everything and is able to do extraordinary things. Yet medicine is prone to fail, especially in comparison to God's perfect record. 

Here's a Biblical example of expectant prayer that my sweet friend Kaitlyn brought up.

And he said, "O  Lord ,  God of my master Abraham,  please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham.  Behold,  I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.  Let the young woman to whom I shall say, "Please let down your jar that I may drink," and who shall say, "Drink, and I will water your camels"—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac.  By this  I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master." (Genesis 24:12-14 ESV)

How much more trust would I need to have in The Lord to pray like this? So specific. So expectant. And if you keep reading you'll see God answered it! I want to have this attitude towards prayer.

Discipline

Hey homies!

In bible study tonight, one of my leaders, Rachel, really inspired me. She starting telling us about how she lacks discipline in her life and how quick she gives way to her desires and treats them as needs. As she spoke I remembered how often I do that. I've noticed this in my life and I've made little efforts to not satisfy my every want. Yet because I so quickly give up on self control, my strides have been mostly unsuccessful. I felt God pushing me to be greater for him, to give him more than a few minutes of resistance. I want to give him my all and be disciplined in every area of my life.

I'm also hoping that through being disciplined in my spending, God will use my extra money to bless others and bring glory to himself. I'm starting small because I am easily overwhelmed and surprise surprise... I tend to give up. I'll be praying for self control, true perspective, and opportunities to grow myself and others through this experience.

This week, my goals as of now are along the lines of...

     No spending money on coffee specifically, but also not on unnecessary treats and snacks

     To have meaningful time with God daily

     To stick to my intended plans for school work

     Washing my face twice a day, taking contacts out at night, etc.

{I feel like I'm 5 years old listing basic hygiene things, but it can be a struggle, especially once you're curled up under the covers and you remember you forgot to do something. Oh the discipline that takes to get me out of bed!}

Along with those listed above, I plan to be aware of when I'm turning wants into needs and to use discipline when I know I need it, even when it's not one of the things listed. I'll try to post updates in my week of discipline.

All the Poor and Powerless

I'm trying to post a verse very Wednesday and share my thoughts on it. My week has been crazy busy with tests, papers, homework, and quizzes. So, here it is one day late! 

Over the last few weeks, The Lord has been convicting me about how little I consider the poor. It started with a discussion in my philosophy class about what we are obligated to do for the poor. Here is the augment that sparked the discussion.

1) Suffering and death from lack of food, shelter, and medical care are bad.
2) If it is in our power to prevent something bad from happening, without sacrificing anything of comparable moral significance, we ought, morally, to do it.
3) It is in our power to prevent suffering and death from lack of food, shelter, and medical care, without sacrificing anything of comparable moral significance.
4) Therefore, we ought, morally, to prevent suffering and death from lack of food, shelter, and medical care.

To explain the argument, he used an example of a man walking by a pond. The man looks to his right and sees a young boy drowning. Would it be wrong for the man to not help the drowning boy? We thought yes. It is in his power to save the boy without sacrificing much. By not saving the boy, he could keep his pants from getting wet. But is that a worthy reason? Of course not. It would be wrong of him to walk by and pay no attention as the young boy dies.

So, what's our excuse for not helping the hungry, naked, sick, and homeless? We know they are there. what would we be giving up to help them? Here are a few of the oppositions to the argument that continued to convict me.

Some have brought up that it is different if the hurting are across the world in Africa. How can we be expected to do anything for them without sacrificing ourselves? This argument is unrealistic because of technology. With technology we can help others no matter how far they may be. 

Others have said that no one else is helping, so why should we be morally obligated when other people, more capable people even, could help but don't? Lets consider the drowning boy case, would it be okay for the man to not save the boy if there was a crowd of people also watching the boy drown. No, so other people don't change your obligation to help. 

This discussion took a few days, so this is just the best summary I can give. But either way, it kicked my butt. I've always heard in church how we should help others and care for the poor and less fortunate. I had always perceived that duty as something extra. I wasn't obligated to help the poor, but it would be very kind of me to do so. But sitting in philosophy class, listening to a professor and students who don't love Jesus talk about how we are obligated to give up everything that we don't actually NEED to help others no matter the distance, no matter what others are doing to help, and no matter your financial standing. I was shocked at how selfish I am. As a follower of Christ, I should be sacrificing myself for others daily like Jesus did. But there I sat in philosophy class trying to think of an excuse that would get me out of this moral obligation. 

Then he showed a clip from the movie Beyond Borders with Angelina Jolie. I was appalled. I sat there and pointed my fingers at the rich people in that movie and asked myself, how could someone know there is hurting and hunger in the world and do nothing? Then I realized that the rich people in that movie represent me in real life. I am fully aware of needs in many areas both local and global. Yet I spend money on food I don't finish, clothes I don't need and sometimes never even wear. In comparison to the needs in the world, I have no generosity in my body. It hurt because I wasn't realizing this for the first time. I'd seen it before. I've cried over my lack of generosity and I've cried and prayed over the poor in our world. It's only a matter of time before I forget and believe once again that I will be discontent without that $50 dress that I don't need. I feel entitled to what I have when what I have is not even mine and it is certainly not for making myself look great. I have money for the sole purpose of bringing glory to God. 

Unfortunately as we switched topics in philosophy I began the process again. I put my conviction behind me and went on spending money on myself. But thank the Holy Spirit for his persistence in showing me a better way.

Three nights ago, at Bible study we read chapter 3 in the book Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller. The chapter was on greed. It talks about how greed is so discreet and we don't see it in ourselves. I won't go into all the details, but it was a lovely time of fellowship and I knew I needed to be more generous and needed a new mindset toward money. I asked the girls to pray that I would be a generous person and that I would think of my money as a way to further Gods kingdom. That I would not only let go of the tight grip I have on my money and possessions, but that I would be bold in sharing the gospel. 

I left feeling encouraged and hopeful for how God would mold my heart and use me to make others glad in God. But God wanted me to fully understand how much I had in comparison to others and how I have no reason to ever be discontent with what He's given me. In my sociology class yesterday morning, he showed me that I have every reason in the world to be generous. We discussed how the US citizen compares to citizens in other parts of the world in terms of income and wealth. We went over a lot of charts and numbers but here's one that stuck with me. The average income for a US citizen is $50,000. The average income for someone in the Congo is $347 a year! That's the lowest, but there were so many other countries with low average incomes. The US is the seventh richest nation in terms of how much income an average American makes.

On a global scale, 80% of people live on less than $2 a day! Yet I compare myself to the people around me and have the nerve to feel inadequate. I feel like I have it so rough. But God is opening my eyes to how rich I am and hopefully will be giving me opportunities to give back. 

So yesterday I decided to see what the Bible says about the poor. And I found this verse! 

"She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy." -Proverbs 31:20

I love this verse because I want to be her. I want to not feel entitled to anything. I want to be generous with money and possessions. I want to love serving others above myself. And I want to be content in all circumstance, not comparing myself to anyone.