Life is good

I received an email from my old Bible teacher/ current pastor/ my second dad/ current match maker, Brian Hough. For two years, during December, he's been asking people to list 5 things they are currently loving. Today I was especially grateful for this email. I haven't stopped to consider my blessings in a long time. How God could continue to give to such an ungrateful, entitled heart, I will never understand. Since my list of good things in life exceeded five, I wanted to take time to really consider all the good gifts I have been enjoying lately. I also want to glorify my Father who gives these good gifts.

In no specific order, I am loving...

~ roommates, Sarah and Kaitlyn! David and Jonathan are the luckiest men on earth. They found themselves some gems. I cherish my time and late night conversations with them. 

~ snuggles. even though I'm not a touchy person, I'm thankful for my dear friends who snuggle with me and hug me when they see me. Y'all make me feel loved. Holding hands with you girls is my favorite.

~ fundraising alongside Kaitlyn. I look forward to more prayer times with her.

~ the enneagram. It's been fun to learn about everyone's personality type.

~ baking with Laura Hough. Any excuse to be with them is a good one, but this one is especially great! 

~ sending out support letters. Nothing better than busy work while watching the entire 2nd season of new girl!

~ prayer. I've learned so much about prayer, and still can't imagine grasping it. I'm loving seeing God as a loving Father who wants to give me good things. I love praying big prayers... I'm learning to at least.

~ I'm freaking going to Africa. I love that. Can't wait for fellowship with the 4 other ladies going with me!

~ land cruisers. I sure do love my Ford Escape, but I can't wait to be reunited with Rhonda in a few days. (Also can't wait for land cruiser rides in Zambia.)

~ Family Studies. Best major ever.

~ mich's help with physics. I'm passing! Appreciate the generosity and hospitality. (They give me cider and muffins over there!)

~ reunions for old memories. The first Noel watch party last week! So sweet.

~ talks with Brian and Laura about boys, marriage life, and parenting.

~ party girl donuts at varsity. I went out on a limb and tried something besides glaze and haven't looked back!

~ technology. You drive me bonkers, but you save my life daily.

~ room 118! I am loving regular knocks on the door. Please keep using our printer, eating our cookies, studying on our couch, and watching Sharknado. It makes me so happy when our room is used. It's big and comfy for a reason! Come use it!! 

~ RUF. Jon rocks my soul. Blows me away with his teaching every week. Jesus, keep speaking through him. David wrestling Rudy. Political, theological, and sociological discussions after. Dog piles on the couch. Hearing Scripture read as a group. Honest questions. Non stop laughter and learning. 

~ MPC. Thank you for pouring into me! I think you guys are awesome and I love watching how you care for your spouses and children. Getting out of the dorm and into real homes is so refreshing!

~ spotify. I'm loving finding music and making playlists.

~ toffee. I forgot how much I love it! So good. One of me favorite sweets.

~ thermal Ts from target! So warm and cute. 

~ mom. She does everything and more for me! It's unreal. Thanks for mailing me everything and sewing my Christmas gifts for the kids on my floor. I hope I'm half the mom you are one day. Thanks for teaching me self-sacrifice and generosity.

~ when Kaitlyn leaves her car out front for me so I don't have to walk to mine.

~ when I don't get a ticket for illegally parking my car.

~ counsel. Thank you to everyone who has helped me think through my living situation next year.

~ Thursday afternoons with Alex. It's humbling for sure. I just enjoy time with her. 

~ coffee. Always. (eleos brand is the best. Order online! Sumatra blend is my favorite.)

~ Nicola. It's been a joy to get to know you this semester. You teach me so much! I admire you a lot. Thanks for putting up with me being fickle about living situations.

~ supportive parents. Thanks for letting me pick where to live, and to work, and what to study, and whether or not to go to Africa for a month. It means the world!

~ breakfast and campus walks with Rudy. Without them, I would not have gone to class at 8:30am.

~ map coasters.

~ New Girl and Arrested Development. Time for a new show!

~ my dad. Thanks for giving me directions are keeping me sane all the way from Overland Park! You help me so much. Thanks for always making time for me! You make me feel special.

~ my RA Tripp, who encourages me in life and in my spiritual life. Thanks for being a great leader and helper on our floor. 

~ my Chinese friends! They are so much fun to be with! Hope to take some of them home with my over Christmas! 

~ this fall weather, during December! I love not wearing a coat!

~ Christmas lights in our room.

~ Sam Hinrichs. Missing her, but I love that she's in my life.

~ being a bridesmaid. Thanks for letting me be in your life, and your wedding, Erica! 

~ extensive lists.

Shalom

I learned what shalom meant a few years ago during a mission trip to Argentine District in Kansas City. They explained that shalom was used to explain the garden of Eden. It meant perfect. After sin, shalom was broken. We now live in a world full of sadness, pain, lost souls, false fulfillment, disease, and so on. The list never ends, sin has affected every aspect of our lives making it incapable for us to have pure relationship, pure actions, and pure thoughts. We are prone to wander from truth.

The good news is that Jesus came to restore shalom. His work was started when he died for us and gave us a way to be saved from sin. But we still live in a sinful world and we are still prone to sin. But one day he will come again, and everything bad will be gone. We will live in shalom again. Shalom more detailed means completeness, peace, rest, harmony, health, and perfectness. Knowing Jesus gives us a taste of shalom that we will one day experience in its fullness.

I love this idea of God restoring shalom. It's my main encouragement when I watch the news and hear about all the horrible things in our world because of sin. I remember that God is good and he will restore us. That doesn't mean I should throw my hands in the air and let God restore the world when he wants to. I am called to restore brokenness as best I can. 

Today in class we talked about how we don't live in a post racial society. It broke my heart to see how mistaken we are. One day God is gonna fix this. I look forward to that day. Here are some links and videos to what I saw in class today. It is not an easy problem to fix, but being ignorant to it certainly won't help.

I stole this from wired.com. They had nearly 20 maps showing how segregated our cities are. Blue dots are Whites, green dots are African Americans, red dots are Asians, orange dots are Latino, others are brown. Probably the most extreme example would be Detroit, pictured below.

Here is Atlantas map below.

I was shocked that these were not isolated cases. Clusters of whites and blacks is common across the US. Racism is built into the foundations of our society. I have never noticed it because I've never seen it. I'm surrounded by middle and high class white families, so I don't see racism. But the few African Americans in my neighborhood, or my elementary school, see racism. It's also not circumstance that many more African Americans live in lower income areas in crappier houses. I don't think they choose it as much as it's forced upon them.

Here's an example of how blacks and whites are treated differently as children. The article with it is very good also, so here is the article link with the videos. A white 7 year old and a black 7 year old both took their mom or grandmas car for a joy ride. But the white kid gets brought on the Today show and his actions are explained away as being a typical boy. The black kid has internalized the stereotypes that have been placed on him and responds differently. But this doesn't explain the cops different reactions between the two boys. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/22/media-kids-racial-stereotypes_n_3624740.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Watch this! This video shows a white guy, a black guy, and a pretty girl each trying to steal a bike in public while admitting to what they're doing. See the different reactions!

http://www.upworthy.com/know-anyone-that-thinks-racial-profiling-is-exaggerated-watch-this-and-tell-me-when-your-jaw-drops-2

He showed us more research on the presence of racism. I don't know if this was as convincing coming from me. But I've been convinced over the last year and a half of sociology classes. These are things to at least be aware of. This gets me more excited for when God will restore all that's broken so we can live within shalom again.

Who's Kingdom are you seeking?

Last Wednesday at RUF we went through Matthew 6:19-34. This passage talks about storing up treasures in Heaven, and not being anxious about what you will wear or eat because God provides for even the birds and flowers. Here are my scattered thoughts and take aways.

Jesus is calling us to pick a side. We can't serve two masters. Living for God means giving up a sense of control. When we are getting anxious, we are anxious over the things we can't control. Jesus says we are wasting our energy because our idea of control is an illusion. 

Verse 25 says "Is not life more than food, and the body more the clothing?" We talked about how being anxious about these things and things like it reduces our life to mere food and clothing. I don't want to reduce my life to that. If that's what is most important to me, what's the point? Jesus offers a depth that I can't muster up. We don't realize how shallow we make our lives by being anxious. 

We also ack perspective. We think our lives will be over if we don't pass this test. Is that what I'm living for? I'm living for something bigger than a good grade, bigger than a college degree, bigger than a lot of money, bigger than a happy marriage, I'm living to be used for purposes too big for my mind to grasp. I live in pursuit of a joy that is impossible to attain apart from divine grace.

Birds and flowers are examples of things fully dependent on God. They are helpless. If I was that dependent on God for my basic needs, I think I'd die of an anxiety attack. Ironically, I am fully dependent on God for my basic needs and I live in an illusion of independence. God gives and God takes away. My means of providing for myself are in his hands. By faking self sufficiency, I steal God's glory and his recognition as provider. My lack of trust says God does not love me enough to give me what I need or that he is not capable of meeting my needs. It says that I know what I need better than the one who created me. 

But God is the perfect, loving provider. I am called to be holy as he is holy. I need to care for the birds and flowers in my life. Who has God put around me? Who can I encourage? Who can I provide for? How can I use the money God has given me? I treat my money like it's meant for my good. In a sense it is for my good. But my view of good is messed up. I will find deepest joy when I provide for others. In the process, I show that I trust in God more than my money to provide for me. 

Laura and I were talking the other day about how we should give and then ask for God to supply for us. Read Luke 11:5-8. Here the man offered something to his friend that he did not have, then asked his other friend to meet his needs because he had already committed to provide for this man. So God is even more willing to meet our needs when we give more than we have to be of service to others. I'm being brief, but it took me a while to understand this concept. It's encouraging though because I should be generous with the money I have and sometimes the resources I don't have. I don't plan to get in tons of debt to save the world, but I do see the value in living in a way that you need God to come through; a life with no back up plan. 

Things to think about: What do I need? What will last? Who am I relying on? Am I trying to be God or am I letting him be God? 

I won't always have everything I need. There are strong Christians who suffer daily, some without food and clothes. There may not always be provision for my body, but there will always be provision for my soul. Even if I die of thirst, I have living water so that I will never spiritually thirst. 

The passage tells us to seek first the kingdom of Heaven. When I get anxious and desire things that don't last I need to ask myself if I am building up the kingdom of Morgan or of God. The sermon on the mount points out where people are following the rules yet God isn't involved. I need to ask myself where is God? Where is he in my life, in this decision, in this anxiety? 

Revenge

Every Wednesday, we work our way further through the Sermon on the Mount. I have learned so much through Jon, both on Wednesday nights and over coffee every now and again. He is full of wisdom, great questions, and so much encouragement. It's been a blessing to have him in Manhattan pouring into so many college students.

Last Wednesday, the topic was revenge from Matthew 5:38-48. 

"An eye for an eye"

This was part of the law because people tend to escalate retaliation. If you lost an eye, you might take an arm, and instead of an arm in return, they might take your life. The law was created so that people wouldn't do worse to others than what was done to them. {throughout this sermon, Jesus starts with a piece of the law that has become a mere rule to follow, rather than an overflow of a grateful heart. He then tells them what is really expected of them.}

"If anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well"

This is an extreme statement because in that time a tunic would be comparable to an undershirt, whereas a cloak was our coat. It was not unusual for someone's cloak to be someone's blanket as well. By giving their cloak to the one who took his tunic, he is showing his faith in God to provide for him. 

"If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles"

This is referring to soldiers. Citizens were legally required to carry a soldiers stuff if he asked him to. They were only required to go one mile though. So by going a second mile on your own free will, you shows selflessness that comes from God in you.

This passage talks about all the unjust things in the world. We should respond with sacrificial love and leave God in control of making things right because he is the only one who makes the unjust just. 

All these things refer to insulting acts done toward you, but not aggressive acts. The is a time to stand up for yourself and others. But in these cases, we deal with the hurt of our pride rather than our well-being. It takes humility to not show other people up, but to let them have even more of our stuff. God calls us to a deliberate response here. We need to be intentionally humble.

I wish my notes on this passage were better. So many good things are said and I don't have time to jot them all down. But I loved studying this. Despite my incomplete notes, I hope that my life reflects what Jesus is teaching here and that the Holy Spirit will call certain things to mind when I'm faced with an opportunity to show that Jesus is The Lord of my heart and not myself. 

Grace and Freedom

It shouldn't surprise me when God answers my prayers, but it blows my mind every time. The creator of all things hears my little, pathetic voice and answers it with so much grace. Time and time again I tell Him how desperate I am for his intervention in my heart and so often it stops there. I chose temporary pleasures over time with Him and all the while I'm asking him to make himself real to me. Jesus is able to quench my thirst for him without me drinking the water he's laid in front of me, but why don't I take advantage of what he's already given? And still, he draws me to himself when I neglect him.

I do so little in this relationship. Even when I think I'm doing good things, I'm still doing nothing in comparison to what Jesus does to be in relationship with me. I often try to enslave myself to the rules again. I rely on my appearances to bring me salvation. If I do this, this, and this God will love me and others will love him too. In reality, I need to accept the gift he's given and see that I was set free to be free, not to be enslaved. I am free to come to him and be forgiven. I am redeemed by the blood of Jesus and I don't have to do anything to earn or maintain my salvation. I am learning to rejoice in that and let that be my measure of satisfaction and not what I do to somehow deserve it.

"Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven" -Luke 10:20

I am seeing my inability to do anything. I need Jesus to intervene in anything I do if I want it to have eternal significance. He chooses to work through my inability. Currently he has put a few girls in my life, some who want to know about who Jesus is and some who want to be more like him without committing to him. I'm grateful that God has allowed me to know them. I truly enjoy their friendship. Now I need Jesus to intervene in these relationships and make them about Himself. I want to read Scripture with these girls. In and of myself I can't even muster up the courage to ask them if they want to. But with the Holy Spirit at work I believe we will learn more about God together. 

I am just so excited to be known by God, claimed by Him, and used by Him to bring these girls into the same freedom I've been given. I hope to see burdens lifted and hearts healed this year.

Instagram Favorites pt. 2

Some of my favorite instagrams all in one place!

Posted by { cameracaleb } on October 19th, 2013.

I want to be in the mounatins. Take me camping please! It's a rad shot from behind with the fantastic landscape out of focus. And black and white. What's not to love?
P.S. There are so many good shots on instagram, this is the first time I've looked in a few weeks. I finally divided my instagram accounts into a personal and "professional" one. Hopefully this will help me keep these updated.

 

Posted by { brianhough } on September 5th, 2013.

This is Laura! Laura has been my mentor for about 5 years. She is so much fun and so full of wisdom. She stuck with me through my awkward and naive teenage years and has helped me grow in wisdom and maturity. I aspire to be able to pour into a young girl's heart the way Laura has poured into mine, and to live a life poured out for others. I'll never stop learning from and being inspired by her.

Posted by { djaeoutlaw } on August 31st, 2013.

Sunflower Saturday. 

Thoughts on Daniel

Today me and a fellow intern gave a sermon on Daniel to the high schoolers at OBC. It was a learning experience to see all the time and study that goes into preparing a sermon. Pastor Mike told us at the beginning of the summer that we shouldn't give a sermon unless it's grabbed our heart first. The story of Daniel definitely grabbed my heart. Daniel was a young man filled with purpose who remained faithful to God in the small things and the big things and in the end was used by God in big ways. I want to be more like Daniel, but it's easier said than done.

Here's a brief summary of our sermon so you know where I'm coming from. 

Daniel 1

Background: Judah has been captured by Babylon (king Nebuchadnezzar) and so Daniel (plus shadrack, meshak, and abendego) are living as exiles in babylon. They are the best and brightest young men of Judah so they are treated well and the king feeds them his food and wine (but Jewish law prohibits this food and wine because some of it was sacrificed to idols. It's complicated old Jewish law that I'm glad I don't need to live under because of Jesus.) Daniel chose not to eat the food so as not to weaken his testimony and to stay faithful to God in every way. POINT ONE: Live to a higher standard (God's standard) and not the worlds. 

When Daniel asked the chief over him if he could eat veggies instead, the chief was afraid the king would kill them both. When we live to higher standards, we probably won't need to worry about getting our head chopped off (although it's a possibility), we will be faced with being rejected or even being blamed for being intolerant and judgmental merely because we choose to not participate in certain activities or entertain ourselves the same way as the world. POINT TWO: When you live to higher standards, you will face opposition and trials. (James 1:2-4 & 1 Peter 4:12-14)

Later, God rewards all 4 of them with skill and knowledge. But Daniel specifically id given the ability to interpret visions and dreams. Because Daniel stepped up and led the way for his friends, God rewarded him with more responsibility. In Matthew 25 in the Parable of the Talents, the Master says to his servants who invested their money well, "Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little, so i will set you over much." Being faithful in the little things goes hand in hand with living to a higher standard. POINT THREE: If we commit to living God's way, he promises us a reward. One reward is the gift of more responsibility. We will be given the chance to make an eternal impact on others and maybe even leave a legacy like Daniels. In Corinthians 3 we see the effects of both living fully for God and living half heartedly. It's a powerful text because Paul's not referring to unbelievers. He is comparing Christians who are saved by the blood of Christ.

This passage was very convicting and eye opening to me. Convicting in that I see many areas where I'm not doing things wrong, but I'm not giving my best for Christ. Most of these areas have seemingly no effect on others around me, but I know they are affecting the level of intimacy I have with Christ and the level of responsibility I receive from the Lord and there is probably more that I don't see. 

It was eye opening to read 1 Corinthians 3 and realize that it doesn't stop at salvation. The glory of God is at stake and the way I live my life determines how much I am able to join with Christ in his work. I may be saved but will my life have eternal significance beyond that or will I barely get to Heaven like one just "escaping the flames". 

Living to higher standards in the little things that no one will ever see is hard. For me it may look like not eating a whole thing of Cherry Garcia because my body is a temple, or not listening to a sing that will not draw me closer to Christ even though I'm really in the mood for it, or not speeding when no one is around, or being careful to monitor my thoughts, or to be disciplined in having meaningful time with God every day- and not just checking it off but studying God's Word and memorizing it! That's only what came to my mind first. The list goes on and it's so much easier to be content with the slow and steady pace of growth I'm currently in. I'm still saved, I still desire to grow, but do I want to be the very best I can for Christ and for others who could come to know Christ through me. It's unsettling and I know failure is inevitable. I'm hoping the Holy Spirit doesn't give up on this wayward heart. 

Like Father Like Father

Lately I've been struggling with the idea if prayer. How does God's sovereignty fit in with prayer? If God decides what will happen beforehand, do my prayers really matter? Does God listen and desire to answer my prayers?

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:9-11 ESV)

Today my dad showed me a glimpse of how my Heavenly Father feels about me. Today was rough for me, not because of some big event, just feeling lonely. I rode with my dad to lunch and started crying. He immediately turned off the music so he could really listen to me, he asked questions and shared his stories with me. After lunch, he called me into his office. He had printed a sheet for me with some information about the type 6 personality type (we are both sixes).

It explained how our biggest fear is abandonment. We try to rely on other things to get us through; we create our own security for our anxieties. We lack confidence in ourselves. When our method of security falls apart, so do we. My security was falling apart this week. I got back from a week in New Orleans and felt distant from the other interns. I knew the internship was coming to an end soon and abandonment was on its way. On top of that, the high schoolers I enjoyed in New Orleans aren't as inviting on Sunday morning. I had lost my ability to keep up a quality conversation; my interactions felt forced and awkward. My conduct in social situations is my security. My breaking point came when I found out the girl I had asked to mentor wasn't interested in being mentored by me anymore.

My dad wanted me to know my feelings were normal and that he had felt them too. With time he learned to overcome the anxiety and find his worth in Christ, not the approval of others. On the sheet he also put Philippians 4:11-13, " I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength."

My dad teared up as he explained that to me. My dad desires to give me good things, it hurts him to see me hurting. He desires relationship with me. If my earthly dad knows me and all my faults, yet still loves me in this way, how much more does my heavenly father desire to give me good things? I still have studying to do on the subject because something is missing. But from what I learned today, it's very possible that God answers my prayers. Maybe he even answers my prayers out of his desire to give me good things. That blows my mind! I'll never understand why God cares about me, but I'm seeking the day I understand with certainty that He does. 

Thank you dad for being the best example of the relationship between God and his children. It means the world to be known by you, to know I'll never be abandoned by you, and to be able to share everything with you. Thanks for loving me the way you do. It's just a bonus that we have nearly identical personality types. It's a blessing to be understood by you; most times you understand me better than I do. Today was one of those times. All I knew was it hurt, I didn't know why. Now I know why and I have Scripture to encourage me to be content always. 

NOLA Saturday (the drive home)

1:33pm- Today has not gone as planned... This kind of thing has become more regular for us than things happening on schedule. Flex n Flow. Today we pulled out a little late around 8:30. I ride in the bat-mobile (black van). Our van leads the group. Dusty, the OBC youth pastor, was driving. A cop car swings in front of and we swerve to not hit him. We keep driving, and realize that the vans behind us weren't as successful. Two cops had stopped on the highway to help a minivan on the side of the road. Our drivers tried to stop, swerved, and kind of ran into each other. I don't understand the details, it was just a pile up. Everyone was fine! God's hand was on us for sure. Just like God's hand is on us always.

We waited anxiously in the black van as they got everything sorted out. Since the cops kind of caused the accident, they were in a convenient location to help us get everything sorted out.

We are grateful for Mark, the first driver behind us who swerved, because without that action, things would've been worse. The back doors won't open in the cargo van but it's good enough to drive home. The white passenger van wasn't good enough to drive home so we rented 2 cars for the white van kids. 

Here's the cool part of the story where I saw God redeem a seemingly frustrating and scary situation. We went back to the hotel to wait on the leaders who were working everything out and renting new transportation. We sat in the outside breakfast area. Some of the sophomore boys along with their leaders, Spencer and Ian (and fellow KSU sophomores), presenting a great idea. They expressed their disappointment that we didn't have time during the week to have a night of worship, prayer, and communion like OBC usually does. They said we have time now, so lets sing a few songs, get in groups to pray, and we have bagels and grape juice for communion. Phil Sperling, a sophomore boy, stood up and told a story about a conversation he and a leader were having just that morning. They were trying to figure out a way to squeeze in some worship and communion. They couldn't figure anything out! The leader said, " I feel like we will have a flat tire or something, maybe God will make time for us." It was so cool to hear that story as we were all gathered together with hours to kill before we could get back on the road. God had made time for something far more important and eternally significant than arriving in KC before 7pm. 

I loved seeing the leadership in those boys! They saw an opportunity and seized it! I was pleasantly surprised. They displayed their love for God despite circumstances. It was cool to see them esteeming God so highly. He deserves it, and I'm glad these boys saw that and passionately pursued that. They made Jesus look great and ourselves look less. It blessed me a lot. It got even better though! After that time, some students wanted to continue worshipping God. So they sat down and began to sing, the group grew, Spencer joined in with his guitar and we worshipped for at least 30 extra minutes. It was beautiful. These kids have given their hearts over to Jesus. Their actions reflect that. God has gifted many of them with leadership as well. It's awesome! I can't wait for some of the seniors to be living by me at KSU soon! I'm blessed to know them and grateful for their fellowship. I wish I could do this internship forever. 

We eventually left for lunch and we left for OBC around 1:00pm. We should get in between 11 and 12 tonight.

3:51pm- We just made our first stop at a gas station. A woman smoking outside heard us talking about vbs and our mission trip and she motioned me over to her. Her name escapes me but it started with A. She asked for my name and then started telling me about her son steven who is a schizophrenic. A was asking me to pray for him and that he could be closer to her (he's 45 minutes away) because she never sees him. She told me her daughter doesn't have a relationship with her. Her husband died last year and her parents have died in the last 5 years. Her husband was her rock. She has health problems and feels so lost right now and misses him praying for her. She works at the gas station. I asked if I could pray for her there. She tossed her cigarette and grabbed my hands. She cried through our prayer.

{Dear Lord, thank you for answering my prayers and giving me opportunities and the words to speak. I've been able to pray for people who I wouldn't usually be praying for. I felt her looking at us and I felt a push to talk to her but I just smiled and nodded my head if she said something. Thank you Lord for fulfilling your plans for my day even when I worked against them. I'm so grateful for your intervention in our lives. It's all because of you that she approached me. Grow me so that I can seize opportunities rather than needing them baby fed to me.}

--Prayer for A--

{Heal all the hurt in A's heart. I ask that you would do miraculous things in her life! I know you are able. So I ask you to heal her son, mend their relationship, mend the relationship between A and her daughter. Comfort A and give her strong people around her to lift her up. Ease the pain of loneliness with the joy of your salvation and companionship.} 

8:15pm- We are just now leaving braums in Springfield! We have 3 more hours until we get to OBC. I've slept through very loud music in a passenger seat. I'm so tired that I can't help but fall asleep. I don't make a decision to sleep, it just happens. I finished Alter Ego! I'm gonna leave Job and Rule of Life for tomorrow. I have a long to do list for this week. Looking forward to being productive and hanging with some cool cats!

NOLA Friday

4:18pm- I wrote a long piece of this post this morning and apparently didn't save it, so I guess I needed to dwell on it some more. This won't be near as thorough as the prior post but I'll re-write my thoughts.

Today is day 1 of the ride home. We left at 9:00am and will be getting in in about 15 minutes! My word today is discipline because I need to get a lot done in the car. I slept most of the way to New Orleans, so I'm making up for that. I need to read 4 chapters in Alter Ego, 2 in Rule of Life, and I need to study Job. So far, I've read 3 chapters of Alter Ego (with a few naps in between). I plan to do rule of life tomorrow and I just don't feel alert or focused enough to study Job in a van with 8 high schoolers. I did manage to update my car playlist. And on the way here I named my ford escape. Her name is dory! Because of dory's line about the word "escape" in finding nemo. And she looks like a dory, so it works great! So, I've had successes and failures with my word today. My goal is to at least have Jesus time tonight, whether it's Job or something else. I also want to finish my last Alter Ego chapter. Tomorrow I'll need some dramamine which will make me sleepy, so we will see how much I can get done. 

5:17pm- We made it to Memphis! We are hanging out until pizza gets here in 30 minutes, and then we are headed to a place with go carts and the like. Looking forward to another fun night with these kids. I love how they interact with everyone no matter what grade they're in! Things have changed from when I was in high school. I'm hoping to get together with everyone from the trip to see despicable me 2 next Saturday! So excited!

11:28pm- Erica, Spencer, and I discussed Alter Ego which was about honoring others and being grateful. It was really good! I posted about it earlier but didn't save it, so I'll post something tomorrow. We also started planning the highschool girls night and boys night. I'm so excited! I hope a bunch of kids come cause it'll be so fun! We are gonna plan the senior night this week. Spencer and I are planning more of our sermon (which is in 2 weeks) this week as well! I'm excited to talk on Daniel.

Duing dinner, the seniors each got up for a minute or two and gave the under classmen advice. It was really Biblical and wise. It made me tear up to see you shining through them. They are all so great and love the Lord! I'm excited to hang out with the few who will be attending K-State next year! I want to pursue unbelievers next year as my number one priority because it's so difficult for me, after that I want to reach out to these new freshman from OBC, and then my friend grouo from HCA an my Christian challenge girls! Can't wait for next year and I'm praying for the Holy Spirit to work in me and give me boldness and joy that doesn't get wear off. I need lots of discipline so I can fill up, then lots of grace to be able and willing to pour out. I'm excited because I know there's potential for this life of mine to bring others to a deeper relationship with you or maybe start one that was never there. And you will receive all the glory because I know it's nothing in me and I will make sure everyone else knows that it's Jesus alone that brings good things. I'm pumped to have a great support team behind me, especially my intern folk at KSU, Spencer and Sam. 

Tonight was so fun! We went to an arcade that also had bumper boats and go carts. For the first hour or so, Spencer, Erica, Ian and I taled about Alter Ego at a picnic table outside the arcade. Once we went inside, we played lots of ski ball and other arcade games and got 1757 tickets as a group of 4 mostly contributing, but we had 6 of us running around together at the end- Corey, Erica, Matt, Nicole, Ian, and me. We got chinise finger traps, little ninjas, hats, big sunglasses, candy, swords, etc. I learned that Erica really likes arcades and I love that about her! So much fun. I love being with people when they're doing something they enjoy. Everyone was so smiley and happy! Erica was really lucky in the games too, and I was the furthest thing from it. In a few tries she landed in the 75 and 25 ticket slots and in 6 tries I totally about 10 tickets. It was really funny.

Can't wait to be home! (It's bittersweet cause I'll miss living with these highschoolers too.) Goodnight homies! 

NOLA Thursday

11:33pm- It's late and I need to get some sleep but I really want to joy down some thoughts because today was great and profound. Specifically A team time was wonderful. These girls are so open and so willing to support one another without any judgement. So I'm just gonna sporadically share my experiences tonight because I don't want to forget them!

Some big take aways:

Don't judge others or ride them off. Remember that everyone has a story and everyone hurts and struggles. This hit me hard when one of the girls I had written off as just unhappy and not really worth investing in because she would always act unhappy said she struggles with severe depression. She was working on finding balance this week. Even if it doesn't appear to make a difference, it wouldn't have done any damage to talk to her or smile at her even if I got little in return. It hurts me because I didn't just neglect to do those things, I also thought she was at fault for not being more energetic. I viewed every action of hers as a premeditated choice to be unhappy. There's more to depression than that. I know this from experience and yet it never crossed my mind that maybe there's more going on behind the scene.

I was reminded that we are role models. Chances are someone is watching me. Chances are someone admires me and wants to be like me. I don't mean to sound vain; that's not what this is about. It's a true thing that we neglect so often. Tonight, a girl said that she would rate herself a 4 on a 1-10 scale for how well she is serving God. And this girl is seriously amazing! Her faith is way stronger than mine was, she is always smiling, she is disciplined in devotions, she works very hard to be holy like Christ and it's very evident. She is the kind of girl who struggles with selfish thoughts on occasion but her actions exude selflessness, that kind of thing. A few girls offer her some encouragement to not beat herself up for not being perfect because she is exactly what God wants her to be and to be careful not to insult what God so carefully and beautifully created. Then one girl who is usually quiet starts to cry before she hardly begins to speak. She told the first girl who rated herself a 4 that she was her role model and that she wanted to be just like her. She said, "You wake up early to work out, so I want to do the same. You talk to new people at lunch, so I want to do the same." She said it hurts to hear her beat herself up so much because she looks up to her so much. That moment was so so powerful, I cried watching it. This girl who beats herself up reminds me of myself at times and it was so good to hear everyone's advice to her. People are watching and I need to be sure they see Jesus in me and not myself. 

We have another girl who has been real straight up and open about the two-faced stuff in her life. She said she feels guilty around this group of girls because they are all fighting sin instead of just recognizing that it's there and it's wrong. I hope she will remember that and everything else she's learned when she gets home. I hope she actively fights sin in her life and remembers that she is not alone. We all struggle and a lot of us struggle with the same things! My goal is to keep up with her and be her accountability. I need to get her number tomorrow! Looking forward to this opportunity and praying that God will give me perseverance. I can give up on people who aren't growing or changing, but I want to be more diligent in my disciple making and more like Jesus. Jesus never gave up on me, he won't give up on her, so I pray I won't either. 

Personally, I am learning balance in a lot of areas. If I were to give a theme to my life, it would be balance. It is the word I have prayed over the most. I have prayed for it on and off through different situations and for a long period of time. I've prayed for a sense of balance since 6th grade at least, if not earlier! I am learning how to approach mission trips in general, how to serve others, how to worship with the church, how to be one person all the time and also adapt to situations, and so much more. I've heard arguments against certain ways of doing ministry or certain ways of worshipping and I'm having to take all the things I've heard and take out the bad, put in the good, and recognize the negotiable/neutral. 

Remember to be grateful always, and be thankful that you are alive. That's something I've learned from the people of New Orleans. 

One more random note. A student said this tonight and I loved it. "Passion is powerful and it makes a difference." I'm striving to live a more passionate life.

NOLA Wednesday

2:01pm- This morning we worked on the community garden. It is really coming along! I had so much fun serving with the high schoolers. I met some I hadn't really met yet and I got to know other kids even better. It brings me so much joy to be with these kids! They have great attitudes and serve selflessly. We had sandwiches for lunch. Now I'm staying back at New Birth where we eat and do vbs. I'm helping Erica, Spencer, and Ian prepare dinner for nearly 100 people. We are making pasta bake, salad, and garlic bread. 

My word for today is endurance. I need to keep pushing through my temptation to complain, be unloving, or be lazy. It's going well! My irritability level is still pretty low which is great!

11:29pm- This is a random highlight/insight into my day. Earlier as I was walking up to my room, a high schooler who I met on this trip waved at me and said, "hey Morgan!!". Being called by name is a big deal to me. I love feeling known by people. It makes me feel really special. I've been getting that feeling all week! Kids asking me to sit by them, calling my name, or some other thing they do to make me feel known and appreciated has been awesome. I love feeling connected to these kids, I love watching them serve and grow. I wish I used my time better and filled out more encouragement cards for them! I wish I could better express how much I appreciate them! I really do think they're wonderful! 

11:36pm- Before making dinner, we watched the movie Fireproof, just the 4 of us. It was fun! The movie was cheesy but worth watching for sure. Making dinner was so much fun! Erica is so sweet and such a great encourager. I loved how she let me do things for her even though it took a lot longer to show me the right way to do it and it just took longer in general. But i had so much fun and she was so encouraging to me always telling me it looked great! It was cool to watch her and Spencer cook! It's kinda mesmerizing. I just enjoy it. And it was delicious of course! During vbs, we cleaned the kitchen really well. That was fun and it was nice to work slow and take a break. We sat around and talked a lot. A teams went well tonight. It was cool to have Christina be so open about her life and I look forward to praying for herthis  summer.

Tomorrow my word will be reflect because I want to focus on focusing on God and what he's doing, and how it affects me now and in the future, etc. 

NOLA Tuesday

10:44pm- Today was wonderful! I loved working on the community garden. This group rocks at team work. And everyone is so encouraging. I loved how everyone said thank you when i came over to pick up their piles they'd raked even though it was expected of me. I also got to jump in trash bags full of brush to make them more compact so we could fill them fuller. It was so much fun! I just love my senior girls and sophomore boys in my van. And my sophomore girls in my A team. And all the other high schoolers i work with during the day and eat meals with.

We had chili dogs for lunch, got snow cones (I got half peach half icecream flavor! So good!), then had 2 hours of free time/shower time. Then we ate dinner with new birth church and joined them in their vbs. It was humbling becausewe weren't   leading the vbs, we were being taught. It was for all ages so they had a teacher prepared for adults and that's where we went. It felt uncomfortable to be taught in a vbs setting, it was different than a church service. It was great to get to interact with the community though! I met a few kids whose names I want to remember, so here they are: Elvin, Precious, dewayne, mack, and William. I hope I will be more bold in sharing my faith with the kids tomorrow. I also meed energy and a positive attitude because work mornings are long and after a few days, I start to run out of the my own strength. I need the Lord to intervene in my heart so that I am a blessing to others and not a hindrance. Hoping the Lord uses me despite me.

My word was uplift. My goal was to not complain, and to also speak encouraging and positive things. Today was a success because I caught myself before saying something negative and my word stayed my focus all day and I could see it making a difference. Tomorrow my word will probably be endurance, but uplift is gonna be there too cause it was a useful and much needed reminder to make the words that come out of my mouth pleasant and uplifting.

I'm pumped to work more on the garden tomorrow and go back to vbs tomorrow night! 

Pray that the things our group is seeing and learning this week would have long term effects in their thinking and actions back home. 

NOLA Monday

8:32am- My word for today is power. The word power comes from Acts 1:8, our memory verse for the trip. "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere- in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." God is the Creator of everything, he controls everything, and he has called me to reach people for him. If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? I don't share the good news of Jesus because it's awkward or I don't want to be rejected, but that's not what I'm called to. I don't have anything to be afraid of. So, my goal for today is that I would remember that through the Holy Spirit, I am given power and with great power comes great responsibility right? My responsibility is to share my faith. My hope is that Jesus would shine through me to make others desire God or grow deeper in their relationship with him. 

12:13pm- One of the high schoolers just came up to me very concerned about the way her belly button felt and asked if she could feel mine to see if mine felt the same way... Of course I said yes. Oh the things high schoolers say. I love the way that she asked me because when she asked she didn't seem to think her question was unordinary at all. 

The same high schooler also told another leader that she brought a kerig with her to NOLA. So funny! This girl cracks me up. 

NOLA change of plans update. We are really using our trip motto: Flex n Flow! We came thinking that we would do a vbs for small kids in the morning and work projects in the afternoon. Lunch would be provided by the church the vbs was in and dinner would be in New Birth church and prepared by our wonderful cooking crew, Erica, Spencer, and Ian. We found out on Sunday night (last night) that our children's vbs was actually for kids ages 13-15. So everyone got into their groups (drama, music, story, etc.) and made their original plans more age appropriate. When we showed up this morning, we found out they weren't expecting us and planned other things instead that we couldn't interrupt. So, vbs is no more. We will work all day for the rest of the week. Lunches will now need to be provided by us. And apparently New Birth (where we eat dinner) is doing a vbs in the evenings, so we will eat dinner with the families who participate in that and then help with their vbs until 8pm. Our days are going to be very long.

6:26pm- We just got back from dinner. Some of the yummiest vegetables I've had! Meals here are so great! Today my van (sophomore boys and senior girls) did demolition in a church. Hurricane Isaac ruined the walls and ceiling on the inside, so we tore down sheet rock, swept up the mess, and took out lots of nails. I mostly swept all day. It was fun work and nice to be inside and not burning in the sun. We checked on the community garden progress before dinner and it looks awesome! They have cleared the lot of weeds and tall grass and have already started tilling the land. I hope that someone does good upkeep on this garden so we don't labor in vain. I'd love for it to be everything they hope it to be and that it can serve its purpose for a long time. 

11:44pm- It's late, but I had an awesome time worshiping and sharing with the group, A teams was awesome. I love the hearts of the sophomore girls. I desire their enthusiasm. Talking with Erica before bed was a blessing too. I seriously love this girl! She is so tender hearted and gentle. She is a great listener. She loves Jesus and her life reflects his even when it's difficult. I wish I did a better job of making her feel appreciated and cared about on a regular basis. I'm hoping to learn how to show her love better. Not cause its hard to love her! But because I'm not great at showing it.

NOLA Sunday

9:10am- We had an awesome hotel breakfast, a leaders meeting, and then loaded up the vans for church. Can't wait! I've heard so many great things about church here. 

7:43pm- Today has been awesome! Church was great! It was a 3 hour service, but it had so much energy and such a good message that I hardly noticed the time. They had a full choir singing at the top of their lungs over loud drums and keyboards. The way the people here talk and dress is very different. I feel like I'm in a whole new culture. I really enjoy it here. It's refreshing to be outside of my usual routine and surroundings.

10:55 I have been very busy today, so I don't have time to get into all the details even though I wish I could because today was awesome! Church was the bomb. The focus was repairing the breach from Isaiah 58. I will post my notes later. Meals are delicious. The New Orleans tour was intense! Nine years after Katrina, NOLA is still in devastation. Houses are abandoned and literally torn apart inside and out. The city is suffering because of the useless homes, empty lots, and entire strip malls that just sit there destroyed. Beautiful rebuilt homes sit next door to abandoned houses. The stark contrast is surprising. I had no idea that NOLA was in such a hopeless state. They seem to have given up on restoring the city entirely. It was a depressing tour. It made me want to change things, but I know there's only so much that can be done. I just need to remember that my hope and their hope is not in the state of our city or our homes or our situations; it's in Jesus Christ who redeems our souls out of the ashes and makes us new. 

After dinner, we had a meeting, followed by worship, Dusty introduced our encouragement bags, and we met with our A- teams (accountability groups). I got to talk with the sophomore girls and the other 2 leaders. It was great discussion and I'm so excited to hang out with all the high schoolers on this trip! Looking forward to our first day doing camp epic and working on the community garden. Goodnight!

NOLA Saturday (travel day)

10:21am: I'm on my way to New Orleans as a helper for a high school mission trip. I'm in a van with 8 lovely high schoolers for 14 hours! We started at 5:00am this morning. I'm running on 4 hours of sleep and feeling pretty worn out. Stress was taking it's toll on me yesterday. I'm praying for the peace of God which transcends all understanding. This is going to be a stretching trip, but I'm so excited to be stretched. I'm most excited to be pulled out of my usual everyday routine. I'm hoping that I can re-focus and restore my vision for this summer and that I can pursue it with passion and joy. 

We got into New Orleans at midnight, had a quick meeting, and hit the sheets! 

2 Timothy 3:16-17

This was our memory verse and main idea during week two of my internship.

"All Scripture is God breathed and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." -2 Timothy 3: 16-17

 

I want to be a disciplined person who not only does her devotions every day, but that I would need them, that I would be focused as I do them, and that my devotion time would lead to a life that looks like Christ.

 

I'm also learning the value of memorizing Scripture. We have a memory verse every week and on top of that I'm memorizing Psalm 51. I'm looking forward to keeping this up during the school year. When my mind starts to wander to things it shouldn't, I say my memory verse to myself. It's been helpful for me to fill my mind with good things and less junk. 

Busy with a side of non-stop.

My internship with Olathe Bible Church started two weeks ago. For the first week we scrambled to prepare for a week doing mission work in Panama. Panama was great and relatively relaxing with extended morning time for devotions and hammock time in the evenings. The best part of the trip was the lovely humans I shared it with and will be sharing life with for the rest of the summer. I could brag on them for a long time! They're stinkin fantastic and I'm blown away by their wisdom and their selfless hearts. In a mere two weeks they've already helped mold me into something more like Christ.

 

Look up Panama mission June 2013 on YouTube if you want to see a video summary of our trip.

 

We flew back from Panama on a Saturday and went to church on Sunday. It was Father's Day but my parents had just left for Israel, Hannah (14 yr. old sister) was on her way to Texas for a mission trip, and my grandma was watching Rosie (12 yr. old sister). I've been back for four days, but it feels like two weeks! So much has happened. The internship keeps me busy at church until at least one in the afternoon. We usually run late and then we have two book studies to prepare for, random other responsibilities, and hang out time. There hasn't been a time when I felt completely free to do nothing. There's always something I should be doing. I haven't been getting as much sleep as usual either, so I'm struggling to stay fully focused in devotions and teaching times. I was yawning my way through mini golf with the high schoolers today!

 

There is some time management that needs to be learned. I have some adjusting still to do. It isn't what I expected, but I also wasn't expecting to be spiritually filled this much. I'm really not complaining. Every struggle is worth this community to me. That's why I choose sleep over them most nights. Unfortunately they tend to take priority over devotions at times as well. I'm learning how to balance the several things I'm juggling.

 

So, some of my goals are to make time for reflection. It seems like there's not enough time in the day because I have so much I'd love to reflect on! It'd be nice if I could take time to blog my thoughts at least every few days as a way of reflecting. We will see if that happens. I'm also wanting to post some pictures from Panama and other events here and there. It'll be delayed if it happens at all. I honestly couldn't figure out how to even post them on facebook... I'm that awful with technology stuff.

 

As far as my favorite Instagram photos that I like to update regularly, those probably won't get much attention this summer. I'm lucky if I even check Instagram every day. I wish I had time because I love doing that.

 

That's all I have for my brief and sporadic summary of my summer as of late.

Car changes

A lot has changed with our car situation in the last 2 weeks. Here's some background on my dad's love for cars and then I'll get into allthat's happened recently! My dad loves cars. He has liked cars since a young age and in high school he started hanging out with a fellow car lover and they fixed up cars together. Since then, he's raced cars for fun. He raced an RX7. He started to become one of the best in his league, but to move up in racing it would cost more money. It wasn't worth it to him so he stopped racing almost 2 years ago. Ironically, he crashed his car during his final race. He sold it for parts and moved on.

I appreciate my dad so much because he chooses to do what's best for us all the time. He could've kept racing, but it cost money and took time away from us. He could also drive cool cars, but instead we have cars that suit our needs best. He serves us by sacrificing his desires for ours.

He is all about the uniqueness and the character of a car. He's been driving a silver suburban because we needed a big car for trips, and that has no character at all. But when it came time for me to start driving, I decided my dream car would be an old land cruiser. My dad has an old white one that he hasnt had time to fix up. You can't drive it all all, in fact you can't even sit in it cause the seats are gone. It needs a lot of work. But we started looking at land cruisers that were in good condition and running well online and I thought they were the coolest things ever!

I thought I'd be buying my own car, at least half of it, and a land cruiser was out of the question. Then one day my dad came home from Colorado with a 1976 sea foam green land cruiser! I was 15 and only had my restricted permit. I was so excited! I called her Jane. Since then, it started having problems. My dad worked on it a ton! He spent a lot of money replacing parts. We then referred to her as Junkyard Jane. My dad got it working well again. It broke down a few times. So I drove the car on and off from my freshman year of high school until the end of my senior year. I drove it my whole senior year and loved it! It's a manual which was stressful to learn at first, but now I love it!

We recently sold Jane to a family in Branson. It was sad to see her go. I loved how people could spot me in my car so easily. I liked having a unique car and the color was fantastic! My aunt bought a 1978 landcruiser in red a few years ago and was having some problems with it, so we drove to Dallas last weekend and bought that land cruiser from her. Knowing that we would be getting a different land cruiser made selling Jane easier. Our new land cruiser is named Rhonda. While we were in Dallas, we left my dads suburban with a guy who will hopefully get it sold for us. It has such bad gas mileage that we decided to let it go.

I just finished my freshman year at Kansas State and I need a car I can take with me next year. My mom needs the minivan, our little truck won't make it there and back, neither will the land cruiser, plus she gets terrible mileage, so my parents told me they would buy me one more car. This one would actually be mine! All the others are family cars that I'm allowed to drive. But this car would be mine and it needed to have low miles and good gas mileage so it would last me a long time! I imagined this car shopping process would take the whole summer because my dad likes to take his time. But he found a 2012 ford escape for a great price on eBay and I loved the car, so he bid on it. I don't like small cars at all, I've always driven big cars, so this mid sized SUV was perfect. It was in one of my favorite car colors, steel blue, it had low miles, decent gas mileage, and gets good reviews for reliability. It was a sweet find! We won the auction and are now waiting for it to be delivered from Ohio. It might take a few weeks, so until them I'm hoping to drive Rhonda around. We got rid of 2 cars and bought 2 more in under 2 weeks! I'm grateful for my dad and all his car wisdom.

Summer Craft Goals and Dorm Projects

After some intense pinterest-ing, blog searching, idea dwelling, and mental to-do lists, my brain is full of wonderful plans. I love the idea of craft projects, especially when it involves making something new and fresh out of something old and dull. Rarely do I ever start these projects though. I love this blog because it encourages me to write down my ideas and it adds motivation to actually complete what I set out to accomplish.

For the dorm, we want to be really crafty! Some of our big ideas include...

• A pretty window sill with vases and potted flowers (and maybe a fish in a fish bowl).
• A photo wall with our pictures displayed in different ways.
• A braided rug made by ourselves with fabric that matches our color scheme.

We met the other day and bought some of our materials and painted pots for our window sill.

Left to right: Sarah, Morgan, Kaitlyn

After they left, I was still in a crafty mood. So I painted these bottles for vases. Can't wait to fill them with flowers!

To paint these types of bottles, you pour paint directly inside. Then you flip them upside down; you have to work with them some. Shaking all the paint to the bottom, then to one side, and tipping the bottle so the paint covers one section at a time helped me. When the inside is fully coated, tip them upside down and set them in a cup or somewhere where the excess paint can drain. I only let them drain for about 20 minutes, no need to leave them for hours. Wait a week before putting water inside them so that the paint has had time to dry entirely.

For my bulletin board, I gathered up some cool old buttons and superglued tacks to the back of them. I'm pleased with how they turned out! Some buttons have weird back that are hard to superglue anything to. Something to keep in mind.

As far as other summer projects go, I want to...

Punch holes in my letters I want to keep, put rings in them and make them into a small book so that they are easier to store and have all in one place.
Fabric the front of my old suitcase.
Make my own stud earring holder.
Make my own clutch from a pin I saw on Pinterest.
Make my own high wasted shorts.
Improve my sowing skills and fix some of my clothes that need some help. I want to be as good as my mama one day.
I also have an old cushioned folding chairs I've always wanted to fix up.

That's all I could think of to craft for now. Looking forward to more roomie craft dates! 

Routine

It's been a while since I've sat down to blog. I packed all my things in my dorm room and headed home with my parents on May 17th. Since then, all the routine I had is gone. It's been great to meet with friends, go on road trips, watch dear friends graduate high school, go car shopping (and buying!), do crafts with roommates, and enjoy my free time as I prepare for a trip to Panama and a summer internship starting in 2 days!

With all this free time and no specific structure, I haven't been memorizing a verse every week, devotions are a struggle to make time for, and my productivity has gone down some. Today is a new day and tomorrow starts a new week! I'm gonna start going through memory verses again, starting with Matthew 21:22 which says, "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." I want and need to be a prayerful person. It's been a goal of mine these last few weeks. I'm planning to schedule prayer time into my days. If it was all up to me, that would be a big struggle to be consistent. But with my internship starting soon, I think they will schedule it into my day for me. I'm really looking forward to having routine back in my life. I hope I learn how to do it for myself better.

Hopefully, this routine will help me keep my blog up to date. So excited for the things to come this summer!

Galatians 1:10

A regular struggle for me and for most people at some point is people pleasing. I can get overly anxious about how I'm perceived. The past few weeks I've started to lose sight of my identity in Christ and tried to find it in others. I've been finding my worth in things other than God. These idols in my life that are not filling me up because they can't. So today I found a few verses that give me perspective. I needed to be reminded of where my worth is found. I need to reject the lies that creep into my mind and even more I need to fill my mind with truth and know how I can pursue the things that are worthy of being pursued.

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. -1 Samuel 16:7

The chapter as a whole is describing Samuel when he goes to Jesse's house to find the new king the lord has chosen. He sees a tall, strong, handsome son and thinks that is the man the Lord chose. That's where verse 7 comes in and God tells him to not judge by outward appearance because the Lord looks at the heart. So Samuel goes down the line of Jesses's sons and still hasn't found the one the Lord has chosen. Samuel asks for his youngest son who is keeping the sheep. Appearance wise, he is the least likely to be chosen for king, but God doesn't look at outward appearance. The Lord values our hearts and even intervenes in our hearts by sending his Holy Spirit. I'm learning to value what God values and not be consumed with what people value. I need perspective and I need it to change who I am, what I value, what I stress over, what I pursue, etc.

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. -Colossians 3:2

Colossians 3 is worth checking out in its entirety. It starts by adressing believers. If you have been raised with Christ, then your life is in him. It's not found in earthly things, so dwell on heavenly things. He gives a list of earthly things: sexual imorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, covetousness, which is idolatry. Covetousness is my struggle as of late. I need to see it for what it is, an idol. It is a result of me setting my mind on earthly things, and giving them value. This false value exceeds the true value of Christ causing me to find worth in things beside Christ. I feel worthless when I don't have the earthly things I want. This has led to a lack of joy and an increase of anxiousness. I get anxiuos when I don't meet these standards I've placed on myself. Covetousness is not a characteristic of someone with new life in Christ. He gives another list of things that belong to those who have yet to recieve new life: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk. I need to check myself regularly to see if these things are in my thoughts. I need to constantly fight these things. The best way to fight these things is to fill myself with good things. He gives another list of the good things that are true of those who have found new life: compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiveness, and love. These are what God finds value in. These are the things that lead to fulfillment and joy. Dwelling on these things starts with being in the Word and learning what pleases God and pursuing those things.

But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. -1 Thessalonians 2:4

Even in sharing the gospel, or sharing life with people, even daily conversations, who am I pleasing? I need to do everything to the glory of God. It can be hard for me to know the difference at times. In those times I need the Holy Spirit to convict me or convict me through other people. He is always faithful to do that. I need to interact with people and desire their best interest above my own.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. -Galatians 1:10

This is the first verse that came to mind when I realized that I wasn't finding my identity in Christ. It gives good perspective on who we are serving. If we are serving God, then we can't be people pleasers. I need to be content when people don't understand me or don't like me. My worth is in Christ and it shouldn't be a huge priority for me to make sure that everyone loves me. That's hard because in all honesty, that is a huge priority for me. Yet I also pursue Christ and I wouldn't say I'm fake with everyone. I try to be real with people. But I'm aware that it's more devastating than it should be to think that someone thinks poorly of me. It seems like I'm doing things for Christ, but I have to check my motives when I start feeling inadequate because of other's opinions. What am I truly finding worth in and who am I ultimately serving?

Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. -1 Peter 3:3-4

This is one of my favorite verses. It's hard to live it out with this sinful heart, but how beautiful is this verse! The Creator of the universe doesn't hold me to the impossible standards that I put on myself. He gives me the means to be better than pretty jewelry, expensive clothes, and fancy hair. He allows me to have a gentle and quiet spirit through Jesus Christ and he values that heart so much. I'm always learning how to adorn the hidden person of my heart.

It was so good to be filled with truth today. It takes another step to let these truths be true of me. I hope that with the Holy Spirit intervening in my wayward heart, these things will be true of me and that God will recieve all the glory for anything good others see in me. I hope to find new peace when others don't see good in me, no matter if it's reasonable or not. My worth is in Christ who judges my heart.

Standing on a Cliffside

This photo was posted on instagram by { brenna_marriie } yesterday. I think this picture is really powerful. For me personally, it evokes a lot of thoughts. So many thoughts that I gave it it's own blog post. This picture and my other favorite instagrams can be found here.

Two songs came to mind while writing this post, they are pretty relevant to my life currently. Both are by the band All Sons and Daughters. If you want to check them out, here they are, Called Me Higher and Oh How I Need You.

I see profound connections between this picture and my life. I feel like that is me, standing over a cliffside. In my life right now, God is calling me to scary things. Scary to me, at least. I had made plans, prayed over them, sought advice over them, and felt the Lord pushing me in one direction, then suddenly the door was shut. (Prov. 16:9)  I felt like I was looking at a doorway to freedom and security. I was anticipating a sigh of relief once my plan was officially set in place. When the door was shut, I was in the midst of uncertainty. All I could think of was the worst case scenarios that might lay ahead of me.

But I know that God is drawing me to himself. He wants me to know him more fully and to be more sure of his provision for me than I am now. It feels as if he is waiting for me at the bottom of this cliff. He is calling me to jump and trust in his ability to give me everything I need. I can wimp out and stay where I am, and never receive the good things God has for me. I can jump and fall constantly in fear, always doubting his provision, and not recieve all that I could have because I lost so much in the journey. Lastly, I can jump and trust that He will give me the grace I need to trust him and redeem my time rather than living in selfishness, anxiousness, and pride. (Phil. 4:6-7)

I am committed to go where the Lord leads me, and with his grace at work in me, I will do so with confidence in his plan, with love for others, with a servants attitude, and with wisdom. I don't say this to imply that this is even the slightest bit easy for me. It is so hard and I will fail at times, but in his strength alone I know that he will supply those things for me. (Ps. 16:2) (John 15:7) May he receive all the glory! (Ps. 115:1)

• "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." -Proverbs 16:9
• "Do not be anxius about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
• "I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you have no good thing.'" -Psalm 16:2
• "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." -John 15:7
• "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." -Psalm 115:1

Rivers by Atlas

Here's the song Rivers by the band Atlas. Check it out!

I just found this sweet song last week! The main singer's wife taught me government and economics in highschool! So... you could say I'm pretty tight with the band. I also know one of the guitar players from my junior high years. Super random. It made this cool find even cooler. I'm excited to see them in concert one of these days. Enjoy!

Instagram Favorites pt.1 (April & May 2013)

Here are some of my favorite instagrams all in one place!

Posted by { youngcreature } on May 5th, 2013.

Instagram posts weekend projects and this weekend was silhouettes. I thought this entry by youngcreature was awesome! I enjoy low down shots and the beautiful sky behind their silhouettes is lovely!

Posted by { shonlowe } on May 3rd, 2013.

Favorite part has to be the subject, canoeing. Man do I love it. Also diggin the backpack, they are clearly prepared for some good times. And bringing a blanket on the canoe looks so cozy. I am gonna miss being at River Ranch this summer and canoeing for miles with only the best of people around me. Intern canoe trip? I think yes!

Posted by { denisebovee } on May 2nd, 2013.

Cutest thing ever! That's just adorable that her dog is cuddling with a teddybear. And look at the dogs sweet wrinkly face. Am I right? Sheesh. Too much.

Posted by { chaseblood } on May 1st, 2013.

Here's another cool shot I found in chaseblood's feed. I love the blurred out trees and how it's shot from down low. It might be pavement, but it looks like water almost. It makes me think of a certain area on Lake Quivira where my grandparents live. We would drive their boat into a thin windy river-like stretch of water with a picnic basket full of fresh fruit, and whatever else we wanted for breakfast. Then we would tie the boat to a tree and eat breakfast by the tall trees listening to the birds chirping and the water hitting against the boat. I can't wait for them to be living in their home again and for their boat to be fixed! I'm ready for another breakfast on the lake!

Posted by { melissagreenmachine } on May 1st, 2013.

I really enjoy these simply clothing shots. Also a big fan of denim shirts. I don't know what makes this picture spectacular, but I really love it.

Posted by { chaseblood } on April 29th, 2013.

I just case across this dude the other day. He has a great feed! I can't get over the orange in this sky, over the mountains, and on the water. Oh to have been there! Expect more favorites from this guy.

Posted by { shonlowe } on April 30th, 2013.

Man, so many great pictures from April 30th! There have been lots of awesome instagrams lately, and I'm a little behind in posting them. This one is one of the best though! The fog, the pine trees, the stump, the yellow beanie, great shot. I'm a fan.

Posted by { brenna_marriie } on April 30th, 2013.

This photo makes me think of how small I am in the grand scheme of things just like this person is so small in comparison to the cliffside. It is humbling and God magnifying. I think this picture is really powerful. For me personally, it evokes a lot of thoughts. So many thoughts that I gave it it's own blog post which can be found here.

Posted by { dansmoe } on April 30th, 2013.

This reminds me of going to the sand dunes in Colorado. So many good memories there! Plus, it's a great shot. Diggin the blue sky, the flying sand, and the hip desert vibes.

Posted by { djaeoutlaw } on April 27th, 2013.

I love the deep forest vibe. I'd definitely adventure there.

Posted by { lindleymarie } on April 23rd, 2013.

I'm a big fan of kid pictures. My mom is the nursery director at our church, so I get to work with kids of all ages often! I love it so much. I think kids are the bees knees, and so photogenic! I wish I was as comfortable in my own skin as kids are. What a fun and simple period of life. Enjoy it youngins! Non-youngins, embrace your inner child. Anticipate more instagrams of these little ones.