Goalitos

Every century or so I log on here and look at the things I've posted and I'm always encouraged, inspired, and surprised at what was on my mind once upon a time and what's on my mind now. I wish I posted more so I could see a more well-rounded view of where I've been. So in retrospect I'm gonna list the goals I set for myself this fall as I began my junior year at K-State as well as a few new ones that came with the new year.

Goalitos for junior year

- some form of direction for my career

- be in a one on one discipleship relationship with a younger believer

- represent you well in my house (whatever that might look like)

- to more deeply understand the foundations of my faith

- to more deeply understand what it means to be loved by God

- to more strongly identify as a"daughter of the King" 

- to know it is well with my soul

Additions

- grow in assertiveness

- to spend the time needed to understand the ins and outs of my personality, temperament, etc.

- to develop the habit of asking why in relation to my actions and thoughts

- to understand what it means to rest in God

- develop prayerful habits

To you who is able to do far more abundantly than all I can ask or think, I humbly ask you to answer my prayers for growth in these areas.

Happy Days with a Side of Joy

I have started the 100 happy days challenge! I started it because I get extra credit in one of my classes for doing so, but I am excited because it will make me think of all the reasons I have to rejoice.

This summer, I spent a month in Zambia serving for a non profit organization called Arise Africa. One of my goals as I left was to daily choose to rejoice and be content, and not to dwell on the yucky things that come up. I realized that I can't choose my circumstances, but I CAN and do choose to either dwell on the bad or the good. Both are always present, and so many of us, including me, choose to dwell on the bad and ignore the good.

The thing that separates me from the rest of the (unsaved) world is that no matter how bad things get, the good always FAR outweighs the bad because of the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ. I want to focus on the little things in life that bring me happiness, but I most want to make a habit of remembering the one thing that gives me true joy. Jesus is my one source of true hope and peace.

I know that is true without a doubt in my mind, but lately it has not been a reality in my heart. I have been like the Pharisees who Jesus described as beautiful coffee mugs... full of moldy week old coffee (more or less). Apathy and discipline have been my biggest enemies. Pretty sucky combo.

Insert Bible passage and inspiring commentary with an action plan here cause I don't have one today. But I am grateful for a God who loves us when we don't love him.

I am actually relatively content with my temporary discontentment toward my relationship with God. I pray it gets me out of bed, into the Word, and wrestling with my doubts well. These times are necessary for all believers and I welcome it, because I am sure that my faith will be more solid than before. Now I just have to care a little more than I do right now. Until then, I'll continue to dwell on the happy things in life.

Sanctification

It's hard to see my sanctification. Most days I feel like I've moved backwards, becoming less like Jesus. Regardless of how it seems, God is at work. I am being molded every day, by negative and positive influences. In retrospect, it is easy to see that I am being sanctified. In the moment, I'm terribly unaware of God's presence. I fill my life with things that de-sensitize me, distract me, and discourage me. But God is faithful to mold me and to equip me to fight the sin in my life.

{Desensitized} He reminds me that his standard is the same always, and that the pursuit of holiness is LIFE-GIVING. 

Proverbs...

3:22 "They (wisdom and discretion) will be life for your soul."

4:13, 22 "Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life... For they are life to those who find them and healing to all their flesh."

8:35 "For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from The Lord."

10:2, 11, 17, 27 "Righteousness delivers from death... The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life... Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life... The fear of The Lord prolongs life."

11:4, 19 "Righteous delivers from death... Whoever is steadfast in righteousness will live."

12:28 "In the path of righteousness is life, and in its pathway there is no death."

{Distracted} When I forget to focus on eternal things, I forget that this world isn't all there is. I forget that the world doesn't revolve around me. I forget what my end goal is. His purposes are the same even when I forget them and He wants me to join him no matter how many times I wander. He brings me back into reality and I find more joy in life when God is in control. I no longer carry the weight of big decisions or big responsibilities because I know God is sovereign, God is good, and He promises to meet all my needs.

{Discouraged} He reminds me that there is hope despite myself. Living for a bigger purpose is what gives me courage to persevere. When my worth is in anything other than being bought with the blood of Christ, I lose courage. I tend to give a lot of weight to others opinions of me, valuing their perspective over God's.  Or I find value in my own abilities. Both of these lead to discouragement because people don't love me unconditionally and I'm far from perfect. 

I want to be grounded, focused, and overflowing in courage. 

Goals: 

-Spending more time getting knowledge and perspective through prayer, the Bible, and reflecting back to see God at work.

-Allowing myself to be wrong and welcoming help and correction from others.

-Finding a church to attend on Sundays.

-Balancing my life. Making time every day to pursue being more grounded, focused, and o erflowing in courage.

Life these days

It's crazy to me how much life can change in so little time. I feel it's pretty regular during this stage of college life. Classes change every few months, jobs change, friends graduate or move, roommates change, and the list goes on. My schedule is constantly moving. New things this semester include being a family studies major, working the front desk at my dorm, hanging with philosophers on Sunday nights, floor Bible study on Tuesdays, a new book with our first floor ladies, a new Galations study in RUF, preparing for a trip to Zambia in June and to Guatemala in July, and I'm living with an engaged lady now! So many fresh starts!

I'm now making more chai tea lattes, than regular lattes. I'm listening to lots of Bastille, Alex Clare, and a little Arctic Monkeys. My new pastime is watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm missing my Chinese friends who I haven't ran into near as much lately. I am loving weekly coffee with my friend Alex. She motivates me to have a passion and a purpose and to be more about adventure, learning, and people. Grateful for sweet friends who make me more interesting. Without them I'd be a hermit with bad taste in music and little grace to give. I'm currently reading 7 books, all very good. I'm excited to get a little further along on my reading list. 

This semester I am most excited about some concerts coming up (especially Local Natives!), finishing Mark with Alex and starting something new together, hanging with philosophy friends on Sunday nights, and having the land cruiser with the top off in the spring! 

Life is good

I received an email from my old Bible teacher/ current pastor/ my second dad/ current match maker, Brian Hough. For two years, during December, he's been asking people to list 5 things they are currently loving. Today I was especially grateful for this email. I haven't stopped to consider my blessings in a long time. How God could continue to give to such an ungrateful, entitled heart, I will never understand. Since my list of good things in life exceeded five, I wanted to take time to really consider all the good gifts I have been enjoying lately. I also want to glorify my Father who gives these good gifts.

In no specific order, I am loving...

~ roommates, Sarah and Kaitlyn! David and Jonathan are the luckiest men on earth. They found themselves some gems. I cherish my time and late night conversations with them. 

~ snuggles. even though I'm not a touchy person, I'm thankful for my dear friends who snuggle with me and hug me when they see me. Y'all make me feel loved. Holding hands with you girls is my favorite.

~ fundraising alongside Kaitlyn. I look forward to more prayer times with her.

~ the enneagram. It's been fun to learn about everyone's personality type.

~ baking with Laura Hough. Any excuse to be with them is a good one, but this one is especially great! 

~ sending out support letters. Nothing better than busy work while watching the entire 2nd season of new girl!

~ prayer. I've learned so much about prayer, and still can't imagine grasping it. I'm loving seeing God as a loving Father who wants to give me good things. I love praying big prayers... I'm learning to at least.

~ I'm freaking going to Africa. I love that. Can't wait for fellowship with the 4 other ladies going with me!

~ land cruisers. I sure do love my Ford Escape, but I can't wait to be reunited with Rhonda in a few days. (Also can't wait for land cruiser rides in Zambia.)

~ Family Studies. Best major ever.

~ mich's help with physics. I'm passing! Appreciate the generosity and hospitality. (They give me cider and muffins over there!)

~ reunions for old memories. The first Noel watch party last week! So sweet.

~ talks with Brian and Laura about boys, marriage life, and parenting.

~ party girl donuts at varsity. I went out on a limb and tried something besides glaze and haven't looked back!

~ technology. You drive me bonkers, but you save my life daily.

~ room 118! I am loving regular knocks on the door. Please keep using our printer, eating our cookies, studying on our couch, and watching Sharknado. It makes me so happy when our room is used. It's big and comfy for a reason! Come use it!! 

~ RUF. Jon rocks my soul. Blows me away with his teaching every week. Jesus, keep speaking through him. David wrestling Rudy. Political, theological, and sociological discussions after. Dog piles on the couch. Hearing Scripture read as a group. Honest questions. Non stop laughter and learning. 

~ MPC. Thank you for pouring into me! I think you guys are awesome and I love watching how you care for your spouses and children. Getting out of the dorm and into real homes is so refreshing!

~ spotify. I'm loving finding music and making playlists.

~ toffee. I forgot how much I love it! So good. One of me favorite sweets.

~ thermal Ts from target! So warm and cute. 

~ mom. She does everything and more for me! It's unreal. Thanks for mailing me everything and sewing my Christmas gifts for the kids on my floor. I hope I'm half the mom you are one day. Thanks for teaching me self-sacrifice and generosity.

~ when Kaitlyn leaves her car out front for me so I don't have to walk to mine.

~ when I don't get a ticket for illegally parking my car.

~ counsel. Thank you to everyone who has helped me think through my living situation next year.

~ Thursday afternoons with Alex. It's humbling for sure. I just enjoy time with her. 

~ coffee. Always. (eleos brand is the best. Order online! Sumatra blend is my favorite.)

~ Nicola. It's been a joy to get to know you this semester. You teach me so much! I admire you a lot. Thanks for putting up with me being fickle about living situations.

~ supportive parents. Thanks for letting me pick where to live, and to work, and what to study, and whether or not to go to Africa for a month. It means the world!

~ breakfast and campus walks with Rudy. Without them, I would not have gone to class at 8:30am.

~ map coasters.

~ New Girl and Arrested Development. Time for a new show!

~ my dad. Thanks for giving me directions are keeping me sane all the way from Overland Park! You help me so much. Thanks for always making time for me! You make me feel special.

~ my RA Tripp, who encourages me in life and in my spiritual life. Thanks for being a great leader and helper on our floor. 

~ my Chinese friends! They are so much fun to be with! Hope to take some of them home with my over Christmas! 

~ this fall weather, during December! I love not wearing a coat!

~ Christmas lights in our room.

~ Sam Hinrichs. Missing her, but I love that she's in my life.

~ being a bridesmaid. Thanks for letting me be in your life, and your wedding, Erica! 

~ extensive lists.

Shalom

I learned what shalom meant a few years ago during a mission trip to Argentine District in Kansas City. They explained that shalom was used to explain the garden of Eden. It meant perfect. After sin, shalom was broken. We now live in a world full of sadness, pain, lost souls, false fulfillment, disease, and so on. The list never ends, sin has affected every aspect of our lives making it incapable for us to have pure relationship, pure actions, and pure thoughts. We are prone to wander from truth.

The good news is that Jesus came to restore shalom. His work was started when he died for us and gave us a way to be saved from sin. But we still live in a sinful world and we are still prone to sin. But one day he will come again, and everything bad will be gone. We will live in shalom again. Shalom more detailed means completeness, peace, rest, harmony, health, and perfectness. Knowing Jesus gives us a taste of shalom that we will one day experience in its fullness.

I love this idea of God restoring shalom. It's my main encouragement when I watch the news and hear about all the horrible things in our world because of sin. I remember that God is good and he will restore us. That doesn't mean I should throw my hands in the air and let God restore the world when he wants to. I am called to restore brokenness as best I can. 

Today in class we talked about how we don't live in a post racial society. It broke my heart to see how mistaken we are. One day God is gonna fix this. I look forward to that day. Here are some links and videos to what I saw in class today. It is not an easy problem to fix, but being ignorant to it certainly won't help.

I stole this from wired.com. They had nearly 20 maps showing how segregated our cities are. Blue dots are Whites, green dots are African Americans, red dots are Asians, orange dots are Latino, others are brown. Probably the most extreme example would be Detroit, pictured below.

Here is Atlantas map below.

I was shocked that these were not isolated cases. Clusters of whites and blacks is common across the US. Racism is built into the foundations of our society. I have never noticed it because I've never seen it. I'm surrounded by middle and high class white families, so I don't see racism. But the few African Americans in my neighborhood, or my elementary school, see racism. It's also not circumstance that many more African Americans live in lower income areas in crappier houses. I don't think they choose it as much as it's forced upon them.

Here's an example of how blacks and whites are treated differently as children. The article with it is very good also, so here is the article link with the videos. A white 7 year old and a black 7 year old both took their mom or grandmas car for a joy ride. But the white kid gets brought on the Today show and his actions are explained away as being a typical boy. The black kid has internalized the stereotypes that have been placed on him and responds differently. But this doesn't explain the cops different reactions between the two boys. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/22/media-kids-racial-stereotypes_n_3624740.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Watch this! This video shows a white guy, a black guy, and a pretty girl each trying to steal a bike in public while admitting to what they're doing. See the different reactions!

http://www.upworthy.com/know-anyone-that-thinks-racial-profiling-is-exaggerated-watch-this-and-tell-me-when-your-jaw-drops-2

He showed us more research on the presence of racism. I don't know if this was as convincing coming from me. But I've been convinced over the last year and a half of sociology classes. These are things to at least be aware of. This gets me more excited for when God will restore all that's broken so we can live within shalom again.

Who's Kingdom are you seeking?

Last Wednesday at RUF we went through Matthew 6:19-34. This passage talks about storing up treasures in Heaven, and not being anxious about what you will wear or eat because God provides for even the birds and flowers. Here are my scattered thoughts and take aways.

Jesus is calling us to pick a side. We can't serve two masters. Living for God means giving up a sense of control. When we are getting anxious, we are anxious over the things we can't control. Jesus says we are wasting our energy because our idea of control is an illusion. 

Verse 25 says "Is not life more than food, and the body more the clothing?" We talked about how being anxious about these things and things like it reduces our life to mere food and clothing. I don't want to reduce my life to that. If that's what is most important to me, what's the point? Jesus offers a depth that I can't muster up. We don't realize how shallow we make our lives by being anxious. 

We also ack perspective. We think our lives will be over if we don't pass this test. Is that what I'm living for? I'm living for something bigger than a good grade, bigger than a college degree, bigger than a lot of money, bigger than a happy marriage, I'm living to be used for purposes too big for my mind to grasp. I live in pursuit of a joy that is impossible to attain apart from divine grace.

Birds and flowers are examples of things fully dependent on God. They are helpless. If I was that dependent on God for my basic needs, I think I'd die of an anxiety attack. Ironically, I am fully dependent on God for my basic needs and I live in an illusion of independence. God gives and God takes away. My means of providing for myself are in his hands. By faking self sufficiency, I steal God's glory and his recognition as provider. My lack of trust says God does not love me enough to give me what I need or that he is not capable of meeting my needs. It says that I know what I need better than the one who created me. 

But God is the perfect, loving provider. I am called to be holy as he is holy. I need to care for the birds and flowers in my life. Who has God put around me? Who can I encourage? Who can I provide for? How can I use the money God has given me? I treat my money like it's meant for my good. In a sense it is for my good. But my view of good is messed up. I will find deepest joy when I provide for others. In the process, I show that I trust in God more than my money to provide for me. 

Laura and I were talking the other day about how we should give and then ask for God to supply for us. Read Luke 11:5-8. Here the man offered something to his friend that he did not have, then asked his other friend to meet his needs because he had already committed to provide for this man. So God is even more willing to meet our needs when we give more than we have to be of service to others. I'm being brief, but it took me a while to understand this concept. It's encouraging though because I should be generous with the money I have and sometimes the resources I don't have. I don't plan to get in tons of debt to save the world, but I do see the value in living in a way that you need God to come through; a life with no back up plan. 

Things to think about: What do I need? What will last? Who am I relying on? Am I trying to be God or am I letting him be God? 

I won't always have everything I need. There are strong Christians who suffer daily, some without food and clothes. There may not always be provision for my body, but there will always be provision for my soul. Even if I die of thirst, I have living water so that I will never spiritually thirst. 

The passage tells us to seek first the kingdom of Heaven. When I get anxious and desire things that don't last I need to ask myself if I am building up the kingdom of Morgan or of God. The sermon on the mount points out where people are following the rules yet God isn't involved. I need to ask myself where is God? Where is he in my life, in this decision, in this anxiety?